Pity Madonna's (search) kids — the Queen of Pop has transformed into the Doyenne of Discipline and is raising her family with an iron fist.
She's banned her children from watching TV, punishes them when they misbehave, has banished all junk food and assigns chores.
"I'm a disciplinarian," the Material Mom reveals in the latest edition of the British magazine Harpers & Queen.
"I worry about their teeth and make sure they're getting their schoolwork done. I'm very scheduled. I make lists."
Yes, times have certainly changed for the former wild child who used to wear cone bras, was said to be an insatiable tigress in the bedroom and once even posed naked in a sexually provocative manner with a large dog.
And Madonna's brood can forget watching any of their mom's music videos — or her controversial tongue kiss with Britney Spears at the MTV awards.
"My kids don't watch TV . . . TV is trash," Madonna says. "I was raised without it. I didn't miss anything. TV is poison. No one even talks about it around here. We have televisions, but they're not hooked up to anything but movies.
"We don't have magazines or newspapers in the house, either."
While Lourdes, 9, and Rocco, 4, are allowed to watch movies every Sunday, that privilege is taken away if they misbehave.
"If they're a little naughty, then no stories before bed," Madonna tells the mag.
Mom also won't stand for messiness.
"My daughter has a problem picking things up in her room, so if you leave your clothes on the floor, they're gone when you come home," Madonna explains.
"[Lourdes] has to earn all her clothes back by being tidy, making her bed, hanging up her clothes."
The little one's wardrobe also gets taken away if she throws a tantrum over which outfit to wear.
"We have got down to one outfit — she wears the same outfit every day to school until she learns her lesson," Madonna says.
And don't even think about junk food in this household.
"It's whole grains, eating things by season, staying away from food that's been bioengineered in some way," the blonde hit maker says.
The family cook "prepares food like sushi or salmon. And vegetables. We don't eat any dairy here," she says.
But don't feel too bad for the kids — they do have a guardian angel in Madonna's filmmaker husband, Guy Ritchie, who'll treat them to pizza in a flash.
"Guy's the spoiler . . . He's good cop, I'm bad cop," says Madonna.
"When Daddy gets home, they're going to get chocolate. I'm more practical . . . Guy is into doing wild stuff outside, taking them out on bikes."
The singer also says her social life is nearly non-existent, with her daily routine starting with a 7:30 am wakeup, then seeing the children off to school, working in her office and exercising at her sprawling estate in the English countryside.
"I don't see [much] of my girlfriends. When you have a husband, two kids and a job, you don't go out that much," she says.