Jennifer Aniston (search) confesses she still loves her estranged hubby, Brad Pitt (search) -- but was "shocked" and "hurt" to see intimate photos of the Hollywood hunk cozying up with his new love interest, Angelina Jolie (search).
"The world was shocked, and I was shocked," Aniston, 36, tells the September issue of Vanity Fair in her first interview since the split.
"I'd be a robot if I said I didn't feel moments of anger, of hurt, of embarrassment."
The sexy "Friends" star was delivered an emotional sucker-punch when soon after she and Pitt, 41, separated, photos surfaced showing him vacationing with Jolie, 30, and her young son.
"I can't say it was one of the highlights of my year," she says.
"Who would deal with that and say, 'Isn't that sweet! That looks like fun?' But s--- happens. You joke and say, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'" Things got worse when Pitt and Jolie posed for a huge W magazine spread that presented them as a man and wife with a family -- a move that was like rubbing their rumored affair in her face.
"There's a sensitivity chip that's missing [from Pitt]," she says. "Is it odd timing. Yeah, but it's not my life. He makes his choices. He can do -- whatever. We're [soon to be] divorced and you can see why."
And she boils at reports that he wanted kids and she didn't.
"That really pissed me off. I've never in my life said I didn't want kids. I did and I do and I will. I want to have it all."
But despite her despair, Aniston, confesses, "I love Brad. I really love him. I will love him for the rest of my life. He's a fantastic man." Friends of the star tell the mag Pitt checked out of the marriage as soon as he met Jolie on the set of "Mr. & Mrs. Smith," leaving Aniston in the lurch.
"Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely," Aniston says, adding that she's been in therapy to deal with her mental gremlins.
As they were breaking up, Pitt insisted to her that Jolie wasn't the cause of his marital discontent -- but now Aniston isn't so sure.
"I just don't know what happened. There's a lot I don't understand, a lot I don't know, and probably never will know, really," she says. Does she buy Pitt's claim that he didn't cheat on her before they separated?
"I choose to believe my husband," she says. "At this point, I wouldn't be surprised by anything, but I would much rather choose to believe him."
Aniston says she met Jolie only once, when the pouty-lipped Oscar winner visited the set of "Friends."
"I said, 'Brad is so excited about working with you. I hope you guys have a really good time,'" Aniston recalls. Soon after that, Pitt became emotionally distant, particularly when she needed support as her long-running sitcom came to an end.
"He just wasn't there for me," she tells the mag. Interviewer Leslie Bennetts says when she asked Aniston about the red-hot rumor that Jolie is pregnant with Pitt's child, "she looks as if I stabbed her in the heart. Several long minutes go by as the tears keep rolling down her cheeks."
But Aniston insists there is life after Brad.
"There's an amazing man that's wandering the streets right now who's the father of my children. In five years, I would hope to be married and have a kid," she says.
And she's not above taking a shot at her lost love -- especially his recent blond dye job.
"Billy Idol called -- he wants his look back," she quipped.