Jose Canseco's (search) bathroom habits are something you never thought you'd ever think about, much less hear about on a TV show.
But thanks (or no thanks) to VH1, you can hear all about it Sunday night on the premiere episode of the fifth season of "The Surreal Life." (search)
For the record, the steroid-popping former baseball slugger informs his housemates that he "goes like a Clydesdale."
This comes during a conversation with a bubble-headed model named Caprice, who complains of the noxious odor Canseco left lingering in the bathroom shared by the show's seven inmates.
Unlucky channel surfers might remember coming upon the grotesque image of 2'8" "Mini-Me" (actor Verne Troyer) urinating naked in the living room on the last go-round of "The Surreal Life."
It was easily the lowest point of the recently concluded season and possibly in the history of TV generally.
Not to be outdone, however, a future episode of this new "Surreal Life" will feature its housemates — including two of the biggest nut jobs ever seen on TV, Omarosa (search) of "The Apprentice" and Janice Dickinson (search) of "America's Next Top Model" — facing off in a bowling match against a team made up entirely of men and women with Down syndrome.
After that, how low can TV possibly go?
The new "Surreal Life," premiering at 9 p.m. EDT, is one of three shows either being introduced or starting new seasons Sunday night on the cable channel.
At 10 p.m., it's the premiere of "Hogan Knows Best." "Hogan Knows Best" turns out to be a shameless ripoff of "The Osbournes" with wrestler Hulk Hogan standing in for Ozzy, and Hulk's wife, son and daughter assuming the roles previously made famous by Sharon, Jack and Kelly Osbourne.
Feel free to skip Hulk and his family, but make sure you come back to VH1 at 10:30 p.m. for the best show of its Sunday lineup — season two of "Celebrity Fit Club," the series that brings eight overweight has-beens together for a few weeks of rigorous dieting and exercise aimed at losing a ton of flab between them.
Last season, this series was an unsung gem whose highlight had to be the stunning on-screen meltdown of Daniel Baldwin, the fattest of the acting Baldwin brothers.
And this season might be just as volatile for one big reason — one of the participants is the unpredictable Gary Busey (search), a genuine space man who is truly God's gift to reality TV and whose failure with his own reality series — "I'm with Busey" on Comedy Central — is inexplicable (and inexcusable).
And no excuse, other than a TV set on the blink, should stop you from checking out "Celebrity Fit Club."