Clearly, this wasn't a kiddie show, and obviously Brit really ain't that innocent. Not anymore.
Yes, I'm surprised at how much I liked this raw, new reality series — probably because I/we/you had such low expectations.
Who would have thought it would take bubbly, bubble-gum Britney Spears to bring us the first hint of reality in a reality show since "The Osbournes"?
Obviously, if last night's premiere is any hint of what's to come, then every little girl's idol (who began filming herself and her crew with her own video cam last year) is leading a pretty raw life and isn't hiding any of it. Not the sex. Not the loneliness. Not the need. Not the craving.
And most surprising of all, Spears didn't even try to hide the fact she picked up her future husband, expectant dad Kevin Federline (search), at an L.A. club — and five days later flew him (practically kicking and screaming) to England to be with her.
So much for the press spin that he worked as a dancer on her tour. He ended up on tour with her, all right, but his main talent clearly isn't dancing.
The fact that Federline was out clubbing and picking up girls while his then-fiancée was pregnant with their second child, and that Britney still stole him away screams volumes about them both.
Finally, a reality series that doesn't gloss over the dross.
And neither did she try to hide her constant urge to get, er, laid back as often as possible.
Her home video of her newly acquired lover naked in the shower, minutes after what she says was great sex, was a high low point in reality TV, especially Federline threatening her, "Payback's a b-tch," while trying to hide what no man can put asunder under the shower.
While "Chaotic" might not be exactly X-rated reality, it's as raw as "reality" ever gets, on broadcast TV at any rate — particularly when she begs him not to go out, but to stay home with her so they can, er, well, it rhymes with stew.
When she wasn't talking, singing and thinking about sex or not wearing underwear, she was asking people about their favorite sex positions and trying to find out from new lover Federline what makes one girl better in bed than another. (Hint: being famous probably helps.) Allowing us to see what her loyal crew made of all this made it even better.
"I thought, this guy's here for a free ride," said her head of security. "I don't like the way he looks, I don't like the way he walks, I don't like the way he wears his clothes or his hair. There was nothing I liked about [him] when I first met him." Whew.
Either Spears is really dopey and isn't afraid of losing her fan base, or she's really, really smart and has taken rock-'n'-roll love one step further to reality than Born Again Jessica Simpson ever dared.
But then again, even the Osbournes were never so honest as doing something as weird as to play Peggy Lee's "Is That All There Is?" over video of them all riding in a car the morning after a night of steamy sex on their way to a show.
Is that all there is? I sure hope not.