Royal Watching

There was big news Tuesday afternoon — news so big that I couldn't fit it in the show until today: the queen is not going to go to the wedding of her son, the man who will be king.

It's a shocker at first glance: Prince Charles (search) is going to marry his beloved, Camilla, and his mother, Queen Elizabeth II (search), is not going to attend the wedding.

Immediately the papers were abuzz with the speculation: Buckingham Palace is against the wedding; the queen really liked Diana better and now she's giving it to that home-wrecker, Camilla; or maybe she does like Camilla, but doesn't like her own son — the man who will be king — unless he does not outlive his own mother.

Well, I have a different theory based as a long experience as a royal watcher. I was even invited aboard the Royal Yacht Britannia once — Britannia rules the waves you know — and I shook the queen's hand and had a drink with her husband, Prince Phillip. I bought a new suit to go to the royal boat, too.

Anyway, here's the deal: the wedding is not going to take place at Westminster Abbey, the official seat of the official church of Britain. Instead, the wedding will be down the road a piece at the town of Windsor, which is the location of Windsor Castle, which is the ancestral home of the House of Windsor, the queen's family.

Town hall and not the abbey? Well, there you have it. Among the high royals that's like having a wedding in Vegas and everybody knows if you're going to get married in Vegas with a bunch of Elvis impersonators jumping out of airplanes, or something, you do not take the mother along, even if she is the Queen Mother. Or — more particularly in this case — if you are the mother, you don't jump a plane to Vegas for your son's wedding.

Call me when it's over, dearie and buy yourself a nice dinner on me!

One well-placed observer said it could be that the queen just doesn't care one way, or another about the wedding, which, in the words of this royal watcher, is "a position which would unite her with the majority of her subjects."

In other words: Hey, Charles and Camilla. Have a nice life. Nobody cares.

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