It's not often someone compares "A Current Affair" (search) to Shakespeare — but, then again, it's not often you'll find someone like Tim Green (search).

Green, the valedictorian-turned-NFL-star-turned-FOX-NFL-analyst-turned-lawyer — oh, yeah, and he's also a best-selling author — was named yesterday as the new anchor for "A Current Affair," launching this spring.

"It might sound incongruous or absurd, but to me . . . this [show] is like Shakespeare," Green said yesterday. "It's comedy, tragedy, the divine, the absurd, the unthinkable, the noble and ignoble.

"It's telling stories about people that are in the news or at least who should be in the news — stories about people that all of us reflect in our own condition."

The original "A Current Affair," hosted by Maury Povich (search) and a slew of successors, aired from 1986-96 and is the father show of "Tabloid TV."

The casting of Green as anchor for the revived news show came as a surprise — and not just because Green is best known as a football analyst.

Rather, he has no tabloid credentials — the rat-a-tat-tat delivery of the classic, hard-bitten anchor or the experience of covering the O.J. trial.

"This came to me — it wasn't something I was actively looking for," Green said. "Over the last six, seven years, my agent would come to me with out-of-sports opportunities . . . but everything I've done has been things I could do and still live in the Finger Lakes with my wife and kids."

But after Green met with "A Current Affair" chief Peter Brennan, who created the show, and Bob Young and John Tomlin — who were on the original production team — he changed his tune.

"Within five minutes I said, if we're going to do this, we've got to figure out a way so I can still live in upstate New York and spend a significant amount of time there," Green said.

The show will be shot at Ch. 9's studios across the river in Secaucus. Green said he will "absolutely" continue writing his novels (he has a new one coming in May).

"Writing is something that really makes me tick . . . and I hope to be able to create my own voice writing on 'A Current Affair' as we progress," he said.