New York Post fashion writer Orla Healy offers fashion advice for the rich and famous.
PATIENT: Nicole Kidman
Nicole Kidman's rep as Hollywood's favorite fashion plate must have gone to her head -- how else to explain showing up at last year's Golden Globes in a fussy YSL flapper-frock, complete with matching gold-sequined headband?
The 37-year-old actress looked like a kid playing dress-up -- a bizarro "kidult" affectation she continues to espouse with her latest obsession: girlie bows in her hair. Is someone obsessing over turning 40?
RX: Think sleek instead of cute, and keep an eye on Uma Thurman. Her self-assured, understated elegance looks so breezy because she never dresses head-to-toe in designer brands. That eliminates the pitfall of looking too set or staid.
PATIENT: Britney Spears
Britney, we could bang on about your butt-cleavage, sloppy Ts and generally unkempt appearance, but we won't. All you have to do in 2005 is to look like you've taken a shower.
Just because the paparazzi irritate you by trailing you to the corner store each time you want to buy a piece of gum doesn't mean you should let your fans -- make that millions of young fans -- down by becoming known as the shorthand for trashy style.
RX: Enough with the ginseng. Your best remedy would be a consultation with that other ambitious blonde, Jessica Simpson. She might not know the difference between chicken and tuna, but her dippy personality overshadows a sharp eye for fashion trends and a deep appreciation of the benefits of impeccable grooming.
PATIENT: Paris Hilton
Even though we've enjoyed more than a few chuckles over Hilton's baby-doll on acid look, it's time for her to class up her X-rated wardrobe act. It's been fun -- what, between the book, the singing, the refusal to wear panties and of course, the sex tapes -- but the shtick is starting to feel stale and even a little sad.
RX: Grow up. Surprise us all and extend your 15 minutes with a 2005 reinvention. (Think Nicole Richie -- not Madonna.) Your small-screen partner in crime wowed the fashion world with a sleek makeover, transforming her honky-tonk image to one that's demure, styling and far more appealing.
PATIENT: Nicollette Sheridan
We thought Nicollette Sheridan was desperate for attention when she dropped her towel and made that indecent proposal to grid-great Terrell Owens. If only she'd wrap herself in a towel now!
Sheridan, 41, might think her libidinal look is an ironic nod to her "Desperate Housewives" persona, but she looks like Joanna Lumley's "Absolutely Fabulous" fashion victim, Patsy.
RX: Let castmate Eva Longoria administer fashion rehab. It doesn't have to be an invasive process -- all you need is the number of a good makeup artist, a stylist.
Beyoncé is in a sticky situation -- but the bootylicious 23-year-old must stop wearing clothes selected for her by her aspiring fashion-designer mother, Tina. Mama, it turns out, doesn't always know best.
A former hairstylist, Knowles dresses her daughter like a 5-year-old would a Barbie doll, and the results -- a chaotic combination of clothes that are too shiny, too tight, too low-cut and too short -- are tackier than taffy.
RX: Cut the umbilical cord and find a fashion mentor to dispense style pointers. Reformed red-carpet titillater turned Vogue cover girl J-Lo (remember the hanky-thin Versace wrap-dress she barely wore to the 2000 Grammys?) is the ultimate chameleon -- and can rescue you from all the Worst Dressed lists.