NEW YORK – If you've ever dreamed of turning yourself into a cat or been unsuccessful in your quest to gain 600 pounds or find that you pray to Walt Disney (search) before you go to bed, have I got a show for you.
VH1's "Totally Obsessed" (search) is a hilarious new venture hosted by one of the truly funniest guys in the world, Fred Willard.
"Totally Obsessed" premieres tonight (and goes through Thursday Aug. 26 — an actual premiere-a-thon!) with an inside look at freaks so obsessed with some aspect of pop culture that they spend thousands of bucks to become it.
Of course, the tragic thing about becoming obsessed with some part of pop culture is that by its very nature it is just that — something that's here today and pops tomorrow.
So, becoming obsessed with, say, a TV show or pop icon means that you may be stuck three years down the road with the world's largest collection of William Hung's pants or, God forbid, Josh Groban (search) CDs or something.
Yes, VH1 has searched the country to find people who have themselves surgically altered, their homes transformed and worse to become one with their obsessions.
There's Cat Man for example, who's had himself surgically disfigured to look like a cat. Apparently buying a costume from the longest-running Broadway musical in history wasn't good enough!
Cat Man has had his top lip made into a cleft so that it splits, endured permanent snaps placed into his cheeks for whiskers, had his nose and ears reshaped and had silicone implants in his eyebrows and upper lip. He's tattooed in stripes everywhere and has something attached to his back to keep his tail attached.
The transformation has cost him nearly $200Gs and he's looking for a surgeon who will break his limbs so that he'll be able to walk permanently on all fours. He doesn't seem to have a girlfriend, but there's a stray tabby cat I know of who's looking for a good man.
Then there is the couple with thousands of Cabbage Patch Kids (search). But as they say, like all other parents, they do have a favorite — and his name is Kevin. They take Cabbage Patch Kevin out to dinner, fishing, to Disney World, you name it.
They do have a grown-up, real-life daughter who says that growing up was tough because she was always second to Kevin's wants and needs. Kids, kids, kids — stop fighting!
There's also George Reiger, who not only has over 1,000 Mickey Mouse (search) tattoos on his pretty shapeless shape, but has spent thousands having his home transformed — everything from mouse-ear-shaped cabinets to toilets. And yes, he's on his seventh wife.
The show is a hoot and a half, and will leave you shocked, appalled, and disgusted — and coming back for more, I'm embarrassed to say.
However, there are just a couple questions that they never ask in the show but that I'm desperate to know.
First, where the heck does all the obsessed folks' dough come from? We're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars in disposable income here to spend on dolls and whisker-implants!
And two, why didn't this much loose change ever fall out of the sky and land on me?
Tonight at 11 on VH1