Thanks for Nothing

Just when I thought I was going to close out a week without insulting a guest, I blow it by playfully ripping one of my guests about his rather UNIQUE seersucker suit.

So many times when a guy dresses… let us say “different,” it’s intentional, to create attention this was not one of those times. Oops! I congratulated him on having the courage to wear his suit and he responded that, "it's simply a lack of wardrobe." Ouch! It was interesting, but very in-depth poll segment and I thought we'd end on a smile, instead I got a groan. There are few outfits more comfortable then the light cotton retro suit, but when I wore it I noticed I was always wrinkled and in turn was always cut down in a playful way. Not this time. Not this doctor. I know how angry you all are because I read the e-mail, so I am taking off all next week to let you simmer down. Please don't say a word to Steve.

Quick note from E.D. she will show her vacation video next week. Still trying to colorize it and synthetically add the sun, because it was nothing but snow and ice in Minnesota. I'm sure Disney would have been just as cold, same with Hawaii.

It was an interesting Friday. We had Hardee decide who was the best veal maker and we quickly went from cooking to a new documentary on bin Laden as featured on the History Channel’s Terror week. E.D. and I are still icing our necks after that 90 degree turn.

Mike did a wonderful job filling in for Steve. One more bottle of peroxide and his hair will actually be blonder then Decoy's. In fact, judging by my Ace Hardware color chart, he's just two shades shy of Albino.

The big story Friday was once again John Kerry's swift boat story. As soon as he opened his convention speech with "reporting for duty" I just knew it would be time cue up Jimi Hendrix and watch that old film of John Kerry's walking on the rivers of Vietnam. Yahoo! Personally, I think we are better off debating Iraq, but these other vets headed up by John O'Neill will not be denied, the opportunity to tell their side of the story and now John Kerry can't afford to ignore them. We were thrilled to get John O'Neill on the phone to dispute the New York Times story on how the book and this swift boat vets against Kerry got together. As I watch the film of Kerry and O'Neill debating in 1971, I couldn't help but wonder if there were any barber shops around John Kerry’s neighborhood.

Finally, please join with me in pulling for the Iraq soccer team to get booted from Olympic play. Those ingrates in the midst of being the surprise success story in the games have started degrading our military our president and the war. In fact, one of these players says if he wasn’t playing soccer he would be an insurgent in Fallujah. So, they prefer to go back to the days of torture under Uday the mutant Saddam offspring? Remember the stories of him jailing players who missed penalty kicks and whipping the team when they lost and dropping them in sewage? Those were the good old days? We leave about 1,000 soldiers in body bags and spend billions and these people condemn us? They should hold an American flag after every game and thank our nation for the liberation. How dare they rip the country, our soldiers or the president!

OK. I am calm now. I just also have to thank you for caring so much about the show. The crowds outside and the daily ratings reflect your loyalty and please know we never take you for granted. Have a great weekend.


Start your day with "FOX & Friends First" weekdays at 6 a.m. ET and send your comments to