"Thirteen," "Underworld," "Welcome to Mooseport" and "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" are new on DVD in today's Foxlight.

The scariest movie ever made -- if you're a parent -- is new on DVD this week. It's called "Thirteen" (search) and I can only hope it's fictional -- but more and more things I read lead me to believe it's practically a documentary. Rent it and watch it without the kids. And if they see it anyway and yawn? Be very afraid.

If you loved "Van Helsing" because you've never seen Kate Beckinsale like that before, well, the rest of us have in a movie called "Underworld." (search) Was she sleeping with the director? Uh, probably. They were just married a few weeks ago.

The reason Ray Romano probably agreed to another season of "Raymond" is probably because of this stinker -- "Welcome to Mooseport." (search) This thing wouldn't even make a good sitcom. Even with the utterly wasted talents of great supporting players like Gene Hackman, Marcia Gay Harden and Rip Torn. Even on the small screen this will seem "unwelcome."

Finally, "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" (search) is finally out and you know what, I still probably won't see it. I walked out of the second one and still haven't seen this one. But I make this promise: When all three come out together -- one long 14-hour extravaganza with bonus scenes and mind-boggling extras -- I won't watch that either.