Chavez Calls Claims 'Sewage'

And now some fresh pickings from the wartime grapevine:

National Security?

Venezuelan security officials say their internal security service has been protecting suspected members of Al Qaeda (search).

There's more: The former head of the Venezuelan records department says senior government officials have ordered government workers to issue thousands of false identifications to suspected members of Al Qaeda and other known terrorist groups.

Venezuela's leftist President Hugo Chavez (search) vehemently denies the claims. He calls the allegations, “sewage."

Peak Performance?

The government of Georgia…not the state, the former Soviet republic…has sent Arnold Schwarzenegger (search) a letter congratulating him on winning the governor's race in California and saying it will name one of its mountains after him.

A government spokesman says his country wants to, "establish close contacts with California." 

There is a catch, however. The mountain won't get the new name until the actor-turned-governor-elect travels to Georgia.

Don't expect that to happen soon, since Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante (search) would serve as acting governor, with all the privileges and powers of the real governor, during the mountain-man's absence.

Conservative Ice Cream

A U.S. company is trying to curb what it says is the funneling of ice cream money to, "wacko left-wing causes"…with Ben and Jerry's serving as the middleman.

The Star-Spangled Ice Cream Co. has pledged to donate 10 percent of profits from its "conservative" ice cream to charities that support American troops, veterans and their families.

What exactly is "conservative" ice cream, you ask? Well, there's Iraqi Road, Nutty Environmentalist, Smaller Govern-mint and I hate the French Vanilla, to name a few.

The company is working on recipes for U.S. Navy Battle-CHIP, Donald Rum Raisin, Cowardly German Chocolate and School Prayer-leens and Cream. If nothing else, this explains why the conservative confectioners didn't go into the stand-up comedy business.