The Osbournes (search) are like endangered pandas - everytime you think you've seen the last of them, they show up again, and are always on display.

At first, they were funny and novel. Now their constant need for publicity is overbearing and unbearable.

And now, the PR machine herself, Sharon, who makes J-Lo (search) look like a private person, has got a talk show of her own.

Why? As she herself said in yesterday's premier, "Because I have lots to talk about - OK?"

She has, she tells us, seen it all: from drug addiction to fame. Or something. "I'm a shopaholic and a chocoholic . . ." she declares. How about a promotion-aholic - OK?

Osbourne introduces herself, declares she's 50, shows off her fantastic body, and says, "Not bad for an old tart - huh?"

Unfortunately, the talk goes nowhere from there. It's not about anything.

She showed off her over-the-top set, which is filled with her own furniture, rugs and chandeliers, and looks like she knocked over a Roma Furniture store.

Osbourne's first guest yesterday was the great Wynona Judd (search). Wynona, as usual was fantastic, but not so great as to bring on Sharon's crocodile tears. It was bewildering.

After chitchat, she brought on a family of eight orphans who range in age from their teens to their 20s. The kids, overwhelmed with the whole media exposure began tearing up, which caused Sharon inexplicably to declare, "There's no crying on this show!" Huh - didn't she just cry herself a river over a song?

Handled by, say Rosie O'Donnell (search), this would have been a touching segment. In Osbourne's hands, it was like watching "Little Orphan Annie," appearing on "The Jerry Lewis Telethon."

Maybe Sharon needs to look into some of the prescription drugs advertised on the show.