This is a partial transcript from The Beltway Boys, July 5, 2003, that has been edited for clarity. Click here to order the complete transcript.
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FRED BARNES, CO-HOST: Joining us with his unique perspective on the news, comedian Jackie Mason. His new show, "Laughing Room Only," opens on Broadway at the Brooks Atkinson Theater on October 23. I'm certainly going to see it.
But we've got him here on the show tonight. Welcome to The Beltway Boys, Jackie.
JACKIE MASON, COMEDIAN: Why not? Why not? You got me for the right price.
BARNES: That's, that's for sure. Well, as a New Yorker, Jackie, you must be thrilled that your Senator Hillary Clinton's new book, "Living History," is doing so well. What do you think about it?
MASON: Well, God bless her, she has a right to do well. She's not taking any money from me. I'm certainly not buying the book. So I can't complain.
MORT KONDRACKE, CO-HOST: So you haven't read it.
MASON: But I don't know why anybody would want to buy something that they read in the paper every day for eight years while he was president. He was known as the oral sex president. He had nothing to do with politics, he never got involved with the government. Every day you read in the paper that he had this girl, the other girl, this position, that position, that it was real sex, oral sex, regular sex, what kind of sex. That's all you read about. And that was going on for eight years.
And you saw it, and all you had to do was learn it from television for nothing or buy a paper for quarter. Now the same story all of a sudden is a $25 book, and she got $8 million to tell you what you read in the paper every day for nothing.
KONDRACKE: Hey, Jackie...
MASON: You know what she did, she went over to them, she said, Listen, take all these newspapers for the last eight years, take it, and let's call it a book. And instead of a quarter, it's $8 million, and it's the same story all over again.
And it's the same lies, it's the same lies, lie for lie, all over again that she never knew, she was shocked, she was stunned, she was amazed, she couldn't believe that her husband would have an affair with a certain girl, could you believe this? Impossible.
KONDRACKE: Hey, Jackie...
MASON: Where was she? I said to myself, where was she all that time? Was she in a coma?
KONDRACKE: Jackie, Jackie, what country, what country are you going to move to in 2008 when she becomes president of the United States?
MASON: My opinion is that she very well could become president of the United States. I think the American people are stupid enough to possibly elect her. You know, it sounds outrageous when you say about people being stupid, it's, like, an obnoxious phrase. But the simple fact is that most people are totally uninformed, and they don't get about in political issues, and they don't care or know the difference, and if somebody makes a good impression, the impression could come from anything.
There's a crusade among all the newspapers to keep saving her life. Every time she gets caught with another crime, they say it never happened, and the list of crimes that she committed, that is enough to put anybody in jail for 30 years.
The special prosecutor, the special prosecutor, I know it sounds like ridiculous exaggerations when I say it, but the special prosecutor said at the end of the whole investigation that she was definitely guilty of constantly lying and obstructing justice. But the only reason he didn't go after her is because he said he didn't think he could win a trial against her, he couldn't convince a jury to vote against her because she's so popular.
If that's the reason that she's not in jail now, then it goes to show where American people's mentality is.
BARNES: Well, I...
MASON: She was, she was caught with a thousand lies, and it's now, it's now considered unmentionable, you know, with the whole press is so much on her side that she's now the hottest candidate for president on the basis of absolutely nothing except a failed health care program that almost buried the government, 50,000 crimes that almost buried, that almost buried everybody connected with her, and now she, on the basis of all this criminality, becomes the hottest candidate for president, and nobody ever mentions it.
If I don't show up on the air, you would never know the whole...
BARNES: Some of us would know. Anyway, thanks for not sugarcoating it.
Let me ask you about it, Mort asked...
MASON: All of this is now unmentionable.
BARNES: Well, let me ask you about the 2004 presidential race, particularly the Democrats. Who do you like in the Democratic field for 2004?
MASON: I'll tell you very truthfully, I, I so far don't have any reason to like any one of them in any great way, because I don't see anything that's so convincing to me about any one that's also outstanding in terms of conviction, or -- they all have, seem to have no convictions about anything, and they're always wondering about how to swing with the wind, which way is the wind blowing, and how could we fit into it?
Kerry, for instance, was voted for the war. He voted for the resolution in Congress to start the war whenever you want. Then the war started, he says, I was always against it. Why did you vote for it? I voted for it, doesn't mean that I meant it. I meant there should be a war, I didn't mean this war.
Then he…the war started, he says we have to support the troops. Where? Not with a war, just troops without a war. Then he was for it, then the war went our way, he said he changed his mind that he was for it against. That he was for it again. Then after, after we won the war, he still thought it was a brilliant idea. Then he found those…of the weapons of mass destruction, so thank God he found another issue. Now he's a little for it, mostly against it...
MASON: ...the weapons...
KONDRACKE: Jackie, how about...
MASON: ...a liar, but he doesn't know about...
KONDRACKE: Jackie, Jackie, how about Joe Lieberman?
MASON: Joe Lieberman I think is a fake too. This whole Orthodox Judaism routine is a complete fake, and I say this with the highest respect, it's a total, it's a total fraud. Any rabbi you'll know who knows anything about Orthodox Judaism knows that he violates Orthodox Judaism every day, but he always has one excuse or another to violate it. But he uses it as a morality issue to pose with it as the moral leader of our country, and that got him to the vice presidency...
BARNES: It did?
MASON: ... and now he can posture, now he could posture as a great moralist, as a fundamentalist, and everybody is on his side...
BARNES: Well, Jackie...
MASON: ... because the right wing loves a religious man.
MASON: So he…became religious. Tomorrow if it would be a hit not to be so religious, he'll try that.
BARNES: Yes, Jackie, we only got a minute left. You know, a lot of people are optimistic about a peace that might occur in the Middle East between the Israelis and the, and the Palestinians. Are you optimistic as well?
MASON: I positively am optimistic. I don't think if it'll happen necessarily in a month or two, but I believe that the main thing that's going to make this happen is the fact that Bush is so violently determined to make it happen. People are constantly underestimating Bush. He's the easiest guy to underestimate because every time he starts talking English, nothing comes out.
So they think that because he doesn't talk so hot, he doesn't know what he's doing. It so happens that he's a great speaker, it just so happens that English is not his field. But the truth of the matter is that he is so determined to make it happen, that now you notice that Sharon trusts him implicitly because he gave him certain guarantees that we may not know about every one of them, but those guarantees are going to make it happen.
MASON: I hear the music, that means my time is up. I thank you for the opportunity. It's the first time anybody made sense on your show. Next, next, next time you'll try to do the show without me, and nothing is going to come out. It's going to be nothing again. So any time you need me, I'll be glad to save your show again. God bless you. I'm glad you got the job. I watch you every weekend...
MASON: ... and I don't care if I'm the only one. I think it's great.
KONDRACKE: God bless you too.
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