All's Well that Ends Well

There is good news and bad news for President Bush. The bad news is that comedienne Roseanne Barr has announced that she has the hots for the chief executive and, in the manner of a cowpoke pursuing a frightened steer, would like to pull on her cowboy boots and put the move on him -- if he were not married, that is.

The good news: Ms. Barr says she has sworn off sex.

Not a Banner Day

Political correctness this week has discombobulated plans at the University of California at Berkeley to commemorate Sept. 11. First, student leaders outlawed the distribution of red, white and blue ribbons. Chief event organizer Hazel Wong announced, "We didn't want anything too centered in nationalism -- anything that is 'Go U.S.A.'"

When the public got wind of the decision, school chancellor Robert M. Berdahl beat a hasty retreat, and announced the red, white and blue would be available to all. The chancellor apparently has accepted one restriction chosen by the students: The ceremony will not include a playing of the national anthem.

Learning Curve

North Carolina fourth grade teacher Stephanie Bell is in trouble because she used the word "niggardly" in class. Her principal issued a formal reprimand after a parent, Akwana Walker, complained about the word's use. The school has compelled Ms. Bell to write a letter of apology, and attend sensitivity training.

School officials may wish to consult a dictionary. "Niggardly" means stingy or miserly and has Scandinavian and Old English roots. It is not related linguistically to the similar-sounding racial epithet, which has French and Spanish roots -- as, incidentally, does the word "idiot."