Evidently inspired by Surgeon General David Satcher's plea for a national dialogue on sex, Washington D.C.'s Janney Elementary School has sent parents an astounding survey.

Here's a sample of questions sent home with a kindergartener: "Have you ever talked with your child about becoming sexually active?"

Or how about this one? "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: If Americans engaged in more discussion about sex" — as if that were possible — "discussion that is respectful, thoughtful, and mature" — a hallmark of such discussion among 6-year-olds — "there would be less of a problem with unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases in this country."

In other words, if kids talked more about sex, they'd be less inclined to try it.

Look, I am normally a calm, mild-mannered guy, but this kind of stuff makes me nuts. We're talking about elementary kids here, elementary school kids. And educators seem determined to teach pre- teens stuff that would make Hugh Hefner perk up with interest and surprise.

Maybe the most galling thing is that the locals are calling this program — I'm not making this up — "real life, real talk at Janney."

Is this seriously what the school believes is real life for elementary school students? I think somebody needs to have a real talk with the school real soon.