Elvis, Jon Lovitz and The Time Machine

Now it can be told, Elvis left the building heavily armed. One his tailors tells The New York Times that the King was a walking arsenal.

"He carried mace in two different pockets and had a walking cane that turned into a sword." Maybe to slice bananas for those fried peanut butter sandwiches? Maybe, but the man with the perfectly "suited" name Jack Taylor says he also had to sew a special loop inside every Elvis jacket "for his dagger."

How bad is an acting class when Jon Lovitz walks out? Acting! The former Master Thespian was apparently less than impressed with the career guidance being dispensed by none other than Marlon Brando.

As part of that infamous seminar "Lying For a Living" the beached whale of a talent berated students, ordered no laughter, kicked people out — the lucky ones maybe — and oh, yeah, came dressed a la Dennis Rodman — in drag. Lovitz must have thought it was a drag. He left three hours early.

Finally, from the "What Do I Know" department: despite fairly dreadful reviews and the fact that I wanted to travel back in time two hours after I saw it, The Time Machine made the most money over the weekend. Humor me, if you saw this thing, rent the original. It's time better spent.