TONY SNOW, HOST: Now, let's check out some political stories we found this week below the fold.
The Reno Gazette-Journal has conducted an exhaustive study of fruitcakes. The paper discovered the confections can withstand machine-gun fire and being tossed from the tops of two-story dwellings, but they lose their shape when being run over by SUVs or kicked like footballs. The newspaper may try to advance the frontiers of knowledge next year by dropping a fruitcake from a helicopter.
The United States says— the United States Army— says its members may not fly military aircraft or parachute to Earth dressed as Santa Claus, say Lieutenant Colonel Cindy Henry (ph), "We wouldn't want to traumatize a group of school children because Santa was on an aircraft that crashes."
Doug Sieffeld, a funeral home director in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, is offering free burial to anybody who dies of injuries suffered while driving drunk in Winnebago County, Wisconsin, between 6:00 p.m. New Year's Eve and 11:59 p.m. New Year's Day, provided the deceased shuffle off this mortal coil by June 30, 2002. Now, the offer extends only to those drivers with blood alcohol levels of .10 or higher. Sieffeld (ph) says, he wants to make revelers think twice, but Mothers Against Drunk Driving fear that some idiot might, quote, "take him up on it."
And this just in. Usama bin Laden's mother has declared the recently released tape of her son a fraud. She insists that her boy, while changed by 20 years of Jihad, still is kind, shy, considerate and sweet.
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