Condit country is a place where complete strangers make up wild and phantasmagoric stories about a hardworking, long-suffering congressman.

That's what 50 million Americans heard from Gary Condit.

Condit has at least two women saying he had affairs with them. Chandra Levy says so through her aunt, Linda Zamsky, and through her co-worker, Sven Jones. Both have been interviewed extensively, and both have reported what Chandra told them about her relationship with the congressman.

Details galore ... that he was her lover; that they had sex in his apartment; that this went on for several months; that she was in love with him; that she had plans for a life together; that she wanted him to dump his wife and marry her; and that she wanted a confrontation over the status of her relationship with him.

He says that those things never happened.

Move on to Anne Marie Smith. She tells a tale of a year-long romance, during which she met with Condit in his Washington apartment and a San Francisco hotel.

Condit's driver Vince Flammini remembers seeing them together. She gives all sorts of details about the inside of his apartment, about phone calls from him, and — of course — about his lawyer asking her lawyer to get her to sign an affidavit saying they didn't have an affair.

If they didn't have an affair, what would be the point of an affidavit?

Condit was confronted with this and more during his interview with Connie Chung. He says that Anne Marie made her story up, hoping to sell it to the tabloids and that Chandra must have been hallucinating.

No details. No elaboration. Just ... Chandra lied, Linda lied, Sven lied, Anne Marie lied.

A line from Peggy Lee: Is that all there is? There isn't something just a bit more convincing?

Look at what he said about the Levys: Chandra's mother is confused. She can't remember correctly whether she asked me if I was bedding her daughter. And worse — the Levys asked me to not reveal the truth.

Congressman, you have heard this from a thousand voices today, so here's one more...

Your story stinks.

It can be summed up thusly: all these women imagine incredible lives of sex and holy matrimony and kids and God-knows-what-all with me. They have these imaginary lives without me knowing anything about it. I just go to meetings on Capitol Hill, and clean out my office late at night, making sure watch boxes and stuff like that don't pile up under the desk.

In the Condit country of his mind, he is your long-suffering, victimized congressman. And he wishes you would all apologize to him for the nasty things you've been thinking.

Earth to Gary ... enjoy your retirement.

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