Here's why I didn't get the Gary Condit interview … some of the questions I would have asked:
— Congressman, Chandra Levy wanted you to leave your wife, was obsessed with marrying you, planned on having your baby, and wanted a confrontation about her relationship with you. You couldn't take that, could you?
— You were always able to dump the girl and just move on. You couldn't do that this time, could you?
— Your wife was in town the weekend that Chandra Levy went missing. In fact, she is your alibi. Did your wife talk to Chandra? Did it make you angry that your wife talked to Chandra?
— How did you deal with the pressure from Chandra?
— Did you want to get rid of Chandra?
— Did you want to kill Chandra?
— Did you kill Chandra?
Let me interrupt my own interview. Everybody says that last one is a lousy question because he will just say no. They say I should be more artful, more cunning … shall we say, more Connie, in my questioning ... but I think Did you kill her? is a good question, because it's television.
You get to look at his eyes, into his eyes, watch his facial muscles, watch the way he denies killing her, and then you can judge for yourself if he's telling the truth.
I'd also ask him about this sexual compulsion.
— Geez, Gary ... when is enough enough? Have you thought about a 12-step program?
— And what's the deal with the teenyboppers? Don't you feel just a little sleazy always trying to boink the kids? What exactly is wrong with women who are grown up, anyway?
— What's with this elaborate effort to lie about what is obvious? Okay, you were having 10,000 affairs, but long after your wife knew — or should have known — you're out dumping evidence in a garbage can in Virginia? What happened that day? Did we take somebody's stupid pill by accident?
— And by the way, why get your staff guys to go out and lie for you? Did it occur to you that since we know they lied early on, that their insistence — lately — that there is no linkage between the you and Chandra's disappearance has an odd ring to it?
Like, we know that's probably true, but we also know you guys lied before so why shouldn't we think all you do is lie?
— What's with the sphinx routine? What exactly was the problem with just stopping one day and turning to any one of the 1,000 cameras behind you and saying, I did not kill Chandra Levy. I did not have anything to do with her disappearance. I want to help the cops and her parents find her. What theory of self-defense would have been violated by that simple declaration?
— And lastly, Gary ... since throughout this whole sad episode you have shot yourself repeatedly in the foot — in both feet actually — how exactly do you walk around?
I never thought I'd get the interview anyway.
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