Mark Wahlberg, Jean-Claude Van Damme and a Spice Girl are in the harsh glow of The Foxlight.

Mark Wahlberg was so eager to be in Planet Of The Apes that he said "yes" to director Tim Burton without knowing what part he would play. He didn't want to be an ape, but he still panicked when he learned he would be the lead - he didn't want to wear a loincloth like original Apes star Charlton Heston. Plus, he has a thing against being barefoot. He told The Foxlight the movie poster would have been modeled after his old underwear ad - and that Calvin Klein would have started selling loincloths the next day.

Here's a stunner. Jean-Claude Van Damme hates his nickname, "The Muscles from Brussels." The Muscles from Brussels says it makes him sound like a joke back home, where mussels are the national dish. But in the upcoming The Monk, he plays a vegetarian martial artist who eats sprouts. "So I'll be 'The Brussels from Brussels.'" Get it? Hey J.C. - who wrote THAT for you?

Victoria Beckham - a.k.a. "Posh Spice" - invited fans Tuesday to visit her new Web site for a tour of a cartoon mock-up of her "Beckingham Palace" mansion. The 27-year-old Spice Girl, married to England soccer star David Beckham, greets online visitors with the message: "Welcome to Beckingham Palace - Come in and take a look around." Well if this isn't a dream come true. Pinch me.