Gloriously happy dot-com workers moved into their new offices in Midtown this week as part of a worldwide effort to place their Wonderful Leader in the public eye, where he can get the global adulation he deserves.
Sources inside the company, here unnamed, say that greatly appreciated gifts of Filofaxes and TVs have been handed out to the new Midtown residents, who have benefited from a crash diet of yogurt and berries.
"I love yogurt," Carmena Dill-Ebenezer, a blonde reporter for the Web site, said. "I love berries. Together, they make a knockout combination and, hopefully will contribute to the eternal glory of our Revered Leader."
Carmena Dill-Ebenezer is not the reporter's real name. Her real name is Catherine Donaldson-Evans.
Other blonde reporters agreed that the move uptown from the previous offices in Chelsea boded well both for the Beloved Leader and for the future of their intestines.
"I had a baked potato for lunch," Wallace Robins, a blonde reporter at the Web site, said.
Wallace Robins is not the reporter's real name. Her real name is Robin Wallace.
The Beautiful Leader was born under a cloud of doves and a once-in-a-century triple-arc rainbow near the holy mountain and sacred lake of Harrisburg, Penna. According to legend and state historical archives, his birth nearly 30 years ago was accompanied by a full week of world peace, where there was no crime, no war and where man and woman, dog and cat lived in harmony. It was in this time that the television remote control was invented and the band Sly and the Family Stone wrote the song "Family Affair." All hail the Wondrous Leader.