So tales of Obama-mania have spread across the land like acne on Bill Murray's back:

A bakery conjures up Obama cupcakes.

A British director produces a presidential play.

And now you can buy "Obama heroin" right here on the "Red Eye" set from Bill Schulz.

But what we're seeing isn't normal, it's a disease. It's what I call "Barackosis" and it's worse than swine flu, bird flu and sleeping with David Geffen combined.

Imagine a sickness that blends global warming earnestness with Internet porn, creating a compulsive need to pat yourself on the back until your hands are blood-raw.

See, Barackosis is just like "Bush Derangement Syndrome," in that victims are emotionally committed to a person without having to examine that person's ideas. It's why Bush-haters refuse to see anything good about Bush and why Obama-lovers cannot articulate anything beyond hope and change.

Even more, Barackosis means you don't have to figure out where the bailout money went, what's in the stimulus bill or who the hell Carol Browner is. (Hint: She's bonkers.)

Worse: The media isn't reporting on Barackosis because they're afflicted by it. Remember the good old days when the press exaggerated health scares? Now, with their alarmism ravaged by illness, they roam like zombies, unable to diagnose their own suffering.

I would cry, but it would only make my Obama Smokey Grey Mascara run. Thankfully, I applied a hint of highlighting gloss and a shade of pear as a shout out to hope and change. I hope you like it!

And if you disagree with it, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com