So in Bangor, Maine last week, two extremely hot girls in tiny yellow bikinis protested outside a KFC in the snow. Their names were Ashley and Krissy and, according to PETA, they're members of the group.

Right.

I guarantee that if you stop by any PETA meeting, you'd be crap out of luck finding anyone remotely like Ashley or Krissy. With the exception of Pam Anderson — who, by the by, is not so much aging as she is rusting — most animal rights activists aren't hot... or particularly social.

Fact is, their connection to animals is usually based on their alienation from humans.

PETA apparently was protesting KFC because — get this — when you fry chicken, it's not good for the chickens. But the press eats this stuff up because they love anything involving half-naked chicks.

And so do I.

But there's a strategy behind these stunts. PETA hopes that the press overlooks the corrupt bedrock of animal rights: That a human is worth no more than a rat — even a hot one.

Which is why PETA would gladly risk a bimbo getting pneumonia for a byline. But maybe they think that's the only way to get average guys involved in animal rights.

They're half right. Men will always enjoy looking at a hot chick in bikini, but it's not the stomach that's making that decision — which is why there's always free wings at strip clubs.

And if you disagree with it, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com