Here's a breaking story: Howard Dean is a gutless wonder. A cream puff in granny pants who needs to be spanked hard and good. He should be passed around in a biker bar, like a pint of Mad Dog, until he can't sit down for months.

I only say this because on Thursday, the Democratic National Committee chairman said that swing voters in a focus group aired concerns about John McCain's age and how it affected his health, as well as his views.

This shows the difference between a cowardly leftist and a bad-ass righty. Rather than coming out and saying, "Don't vote for the guy, because he's old and frail," Dean shifted that belief onto unnamed voters so he didn't appear "age-ist" or get nailed for saying what he really thinks.

What a weak-kneed, cowardly little nebbish.

I have news for Dean — McCain could kick the living s*** out of you. Any day, any time, blindfolded, feet tied behind his back — he could make you yelp like you did after your humiliating third-place defeat in the 2004 Iowa caucuses. Remember that, you toad-faced, sputtering chucklehead?

But more important to remember, Howie, is that unlike you, McCain has the guts to speak his thoughts without simultaneously disowning them. While you knocked McCain's "old-fashioned" views, you claim that the Democratic Party won't invoke McCain's age in the fall. But that's because you're doing it now.

But keep doing it, Howard. Remember how great it worked for Mondale.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com