You know what's great about being a conservative — besides the orgies and stimulants? The way people who hated you when you were alive now like you when you're dead.

When Reagan died, he was praised by scoundrels who dogged him all his life. Now it's happening to that straight-up bad-ass Charlton Heston.

The New York Times rarely had a kind word to say about either man. But now that they're dead, the Times had nothing but carefully worded praise for their careers.

And then there's Michael Moore -- probably the most sanctimonious sack of feces on the planet. He's widely known for stitching up a confused Heston in his movie "Bowling for Columbine." In the flick, Moore mercilessly chides Heston, while the befuddled and clearly fatigued actor remains polite until he finally leaves. But then, Moore chases the poor old guy down to wave a photo of a dead child in his face. It was kinda disgusting.

Later, it was disclosed that he had Alzheimer's -- Heston, not Moore.

I bring up Moore because if you go to his Web site, you'll find a memorial photo of Heston, along with the date of his birth and death. If Moore was any kind of man, he'd take that down, instead of pretending to care.

But the world is far from perfect. If it was, Chuck would have put a bullet in his big, fat face for trespasing when he had the chance.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com