We've heard a lot about waterboarding lately — but only from people who never have anything nice to say about our country anyway.

In a sense they're using waterboarding to torture us — as a constant reminder that Americans are no better than our adversaries. We don't' fly planes into buildings or don't behead gays, but a little simulated drowning, that's unforgivable.

Now, waterboarding might be torture, but as long as people I hate also hate waterboarding, then I love it more than life itself. That's my recipe for life. If The New York Times, NPR, Tim Robbins, Sean Penn and Hugo Chavez hate something, then it must be awesome.

So I cherish waterboarding. I want to make it our national sport, our national bird. I want to make the waterboard the state flower of Vermont, instead of the Birkenstock.

As you know, a top Bin Laden lieutenant gave his cohorts up after a half-minute of the stuff. This new info prevented dozens of attacks. But if we had listened to the Streisands and Afflecks of the world and banned waterboarding, then how many lives might have been lost?

Who knows. It's hard to prove a negative.

It's also hard to find a Christmas sweater that doesn't make me look fat, but it doesn't stop me from trying.

And that's my gut feeling!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com