Matt Damon is currently on a world tour doing promo for the fifth installment of the Bourne spy action thriller series, "Jason Bourne", and his travels have taken him to Spain, where he's now an honorary member of the Atlético Madrid family.
Damon posed for pictures with Atleti president Enrique Cerezo and Brazilian left back Felipe Luis, but manager Diego Simeone, probably the closest thing we have to a Bourne villain in football outside of the entire FIFA establishment, was nowhere to be found.
Here are some theories on why Simeone was missing:
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1. Matt Damon is actually Jason Bourne, and Simeone's absence after Damon's arrival is no coincidence. Evil simply cannot exist while Bourne does.
2. Simeone's using Matt Damon's presence as a smokescreen for his covert mission to destabilize the European power structure from the inside, achieving his goals just in time to return before the season and guide his Atleti to another improbable run at the title.
3. Damon requested Simeone not be in attendance, stating: "that guy really freaks me out, man. Like, I've worked with Willem Dafoe before, but this dude looks like he actually knows where the bodies are."
4. Simeone couldn't make the picture because he was on the training pitch doing wind sprints in a full black suit, only taking breaks to scream at no-one in particular in order to improve his lung capacity.
5. Or maybe he just hates apples.
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