Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored a nine minute hat-trick and added a fourth late on Sunday when PSG vaporized Troyes in a 9-0 win. After the mauling, Ibrahimovic, whose contract expires at the end of the season, admitted to beIN Sports that, as of now, he's planning on taking his talents elsewhere:

But Zlatan-- who is celebrated for his complete lack of self-doubt and refers to himself in the third person more often than not-- added that he would consider staying on one condition.

One absurd condition.

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Look. Zlatan might be 34 years old, but he's far from long in the tooth, considering you can't measure him in real people years. Also PSG has bagged four consecutive league titles since he transfered there in 2012 (including this season, which was done in record time), and that may not be because of the 102 goals he's scored, but it's not like, in spite of them you know?

So...maybe this isn't that big of an ask...?