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Zlatan Ibrahimovic went into Sunday knowing that a win for Paris Saint-Germain would clinch a Ligue 1 title, their fourth in a row, and do so in record time.

Zlatan, being Zlatan, needed to celebrate such an accomplishment in style. So he scored.

Then he scored again.

And again.

That's a hat trick in nine minutes. Normally, that would be impressive, but he is Zlatan and hat tricks are commonplace. He simply calls them "above average matches." This being a special match and a chance for history, he needed better.

Four goals. Even for Zlatan, that is good.

But Zlatan isn't just a goalscorer and general all-around creator of wonderfulness. He is also a responsible and thoughtful person who takes care of precious cargo.

Bless you, Zlatan. And bless that magical ball. May you two be safe and happy together for eternity. At least until your next four-goal game, or league title, or ... damn, you do this a lot, don't you?