Dear 31 teams that haven't had Robert Griffin III on their roster and, for posterity's sake, to Dan Snyder too, just in case,
You know what was good in 2012? Everybody doing Call My Maybe sing-alongs. The San Francisco 49ers. Photobombing. Homeland. The salad dressing I found last night in my pantry. Tiger Woods. (He won three tournaments!)
But it's now 2016 and no one is clamoring for, or likes, any of those things. You know why? Because being good four years ago has exactly no bearing on how good you are today.
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Robert Griffin III was good in 2012, so why would you want him?
Or that should be the end, anyway. It won't be. Teams in desperate need of a quarterback in a market that pays a guy with three good games $18 million per year will certainly try to find a way to burn money on a guy who had eight good games a few years ago. (I mean, by the Brock Osweiler measure, RG3 should be getting Zuckerberg money solely on the measure of his first two drives against the Seahawks in the 2013 wild-card game. I could probably score $1.3 million just based on my last Madden season alone.)
One of you will be stupid though. One of you will think you can change him. One of you will believe that his talent and ego give him juuuuuust the amount of swag needed to come back from a season in which he was determined to be inferior to Colt McCoy, a quarterback who has, at various times in his career, been behind Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Brandon Weeden and Thad Lewis on a depth chart. You want him on that wall, you need him on that wall.
That's what you'll tell yourself anyway. In truth, you do not. You do not need Robert Griffin III on your team as a starter, backup or anything else. Oh, he'll go somewhere and compete for a job and, given the infirmary unit that is the NFL, will almost certainly start a game or two this year. He might even win some. It might even get just seductive enough where you'll look down at your scrap heap of a QB depth chart and wonder why you didn't get RG3. He was in your grasp. You knew he had something left, dammit. And you let him slip through your fingers.
Do not be fooled. The system in which Robert Griffin III thrived is a system the NFL has long since figured out. He might as well be running the single-wing. And do quarterbacks who have been ice cold for three years ever just flip the switch and turn into their better, younger self, especially after having more procedures done to their body than Donatella Versace?
Heck, do him the favor and don't sign him. Robert is a very nice man. But he's stubborn in terms of his football abilities and somehow still doesn't know how to slide. He's lost his speed. His fourth step is most people's first. Nobody wants to see him pound into the ground like fertilizer and turned into a Jimmy Hoffa for the new century. Save him from himself.
Look, we all know someone is going to pick him up and bully for them. But you shouldn't be fooled. Just because RG3 is going to have a roster spot in the NFL doesn't mean it needs to be on yours.
Resist the temptation. Let him be someone else's headache.
I love you.