The nuttiness level of the 2015 NFL season has hit a fever pitch.
Coaches are being fired, front offices are being cleaned out and lineups are being shuffled all around the league. It's the latter that we're going to address in this edition of Mail-it-in Friday. Specifically, the QB situation with the San Francisco 49ers. Colin Kaepernick, the man who took the league by storm just a few years ago, has been benched in favor of Blaine Gabbert (ewww).
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Meanwhile, the Cleveland Browns, muddled in what looks to be yet another subpar season, have a QB mess of their own and started noted lightning rod Johnny Manziel on Thursday night against the Bengals in place of the injured Josh McCown.
So, it begs the question: Would you rather have Kaepernick or Manziel on your team?
Let's get to work!
MAKE A DECISION
So, what's your choice?
Sigh, no. I asked for you to choose between A and B, and I was careful to phrase it that way.
Sure, Manziel has made a few good plays and did some nice things on Thursday night, but let's not forget that he's had a lot of these moments:
Times were you said to yourself, "football shouldn't be played that way." Or "he's making the NFL look really hard." Or even "I think he's just winging it out there."
I've never been to a Vegas nightclub. I don't understand the appeal. You can go to a nightclub in every city in the country. How many places can you hit on 18 in blackjack while slurring your speech and nobody looks at you funny?
Vegas, baby. Vegas!!
And on a side note, I'm pretty sure Kaepernick and Manziel would have zero problems getting into a Sin City nightclub.
You ever wonder what JaMarcus does on a day-to-day basis? What is his life like? What time does he wake up? Does he have eggs for breakfast? Any pressing business to attend to?
I can't get that out of my head.
At first, I thought Milton was writing in Spanish. However, Google Translate educated me and said that it was actually Portuguese. Nice!
And here is what Google Translate came up with for Milton's tweet:
"49ers changing and many are in the medical dep."
Thanks, Google. Big help.
Sure, Kaepernick may have reached his peek. But does he play "peak-a-boo"?
Counting to 10 is one thing. Can he walk a straight line? Follow a penlight back and forth? Recite the alphabet backwards? Close his eyes, raise his leg and touch his nose?
Let's see if he can pass those tests.
That's easy, it's the left arm. I can train myself to ... you know ... "wipe" with my right arm. I couldn't teach myself to do anything left-handed. And I mean anything.
Oooh, thanks, Derek! You've given me an excuse to unveil my "Mail-it-in Friday Capital Punishment Power Rankings."
Here are my best methods for execution:
1. Lethal injection (It's just like taking a nap, right? Or even getting your wisdom teeth pulled!)
2. Hanging (Trust me, if the executioner measures it right, you'll break your neck right away and won't feel a thing.)
3. Firing Squad (I'd like a cigarette in my mouth so that I can go out like a proud general.)
4. Beheading (Specifically, the Guillotine. I'd don my Marie Antoinette wig and get after it.)
Can it be this drunk fan?
I like that the guys who took the video got up and made sure he was OK after enjoying a laugh.
[Insert required Uncle Rico GIF]
[You're welcome, April!]
Actually, it's Paul Crewe.
Ahhh, yes. The old "I can fix the bad boy" thing. Trust me, it never works. They're called bad boys because they're ... well ... bad.
Sure, they may have a nice car and sweet hair. But they'll let you down. They always do.
I always wanted to be a bad boy, but alas, I wasn't cool enough. And even if I was, I doubt anyone would have wanted to fix me. I have too much body hair.
Good lord, take it easy, Colleen!
Here's my translation of your twisted rebus:
"Glasses back on top soon football bomb Dez Bryant monkey throw the X's with coding issue Santa Claus with moderate brown skin and a beer trophy applause with light brown skin in Super Bowl 50."
That sounds about right.
I hate you, James.
Alrighty, let's move on to another topic.
HOT DOG MADNESS
The Buffalo Bills had a locker room argument this week: Would you call a hot dog a sandwich? Good times were had by all.
And since I don't have an original bone in my body, I decided to pose that question to you dear readers in an attempt to piggyback on a topic that is already super played out.
Here we go!
Exactly, a hot dog is meat and bread. Which, to me, is a type of sandwich.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. What if I put cold cuts and cheese in a bun? It would still be a sandwich.
Wait, so would Subway not be considered a sandwich because it isn't two pieces of bread?
Well, according to Google, what Milton typed earlier didn't make any sense. Google hasn't had the best track record today, but since it supports my argument, I'll allow it.
OK, that's enough of this nonsense. All this hot dog talk has made me peckish. I'm gonna go deal with that.
See you next week!