'I Only Roast the Ones I Love'

" You really say about Lance Bass and hasn't already been -- about Clay Aiken high. Sorry you're an inspiration I mean how do you bands eight hours a day every day for three months and stays so out of shape. George Clooney Brad -- Madonna my next guest says roasted hundred. And you get glass and that counts for something. I haven't shared his roasting secrets and delightful book that came out. Called I only wrote the one I love with the ones I love it the perfect guy for making everyone around you feel like -- It's great to have with us back in the studio the great actor and he got he got in his -- down like a noble gas Debbie I. I actually went to the book today what a great chapters in here and a lot of great information. How -- city your take on winning toasts."

" What is that was the best advice you can give -- have to be. This is a very fine line because you lose more than area friend you can lose an inheritance yeah. You know when you to a growth in front of family you know I try to keep it polite and try to face of the knife at the end. Built into soft obviously didn't want people to currently. You -- like. Should people -- do you do you suggest jokes towards the bride. Or no jokes where the I think it's the father in -- the best subject you know like I was trying to make fun of by the guy who's paying for the mail yet it's usually that remind you that he's paying for the -- Brides are extremely sensitive I was failing that I look I love this tactic that bush is really fat than the -- Yeah. I -- the candidate you noises. And ignore the elephant in the room yeah. Terrible I just read the book -- the picture view and as Europe you would like the youngest black belt or something weren't you I was the second youngest black belt in the country. When I got my. Black don't think one though after the only other if you will with a guy who played. With Atlanta with a loss to Psycho monkey guy around and I think characters I -- yeah yeah yeah he was ten I was ten and a half but. The most karate -- for me. Doug asking you when you roasted you Hafner even know who's been roasted the I. It was one of the greatest growth ever I mean this is right after 9/11 -- is yeah the reason that terrorists hate -- the most conservative that's exactly yeah. -- divergences that he -- and exactly act that's true to have for both of my favorite one altogether Rob Schneider was opening showed a few jokes didn't work of wanna. Tension in the room obviously post nine elevenths yet and it got a little weird one of the producers on the show and what to do it Paxson went up to them. Podium I put my hand on rod Schneider Schiller said rob hasn't been enough bombing in the city can't. I. Felt potential break. That's -- never beat the crap out of a heckler knowing that martial arts. Nobody gives me a certain swagger to say things that I say yet Penny Marshall almost took a swing on anyone but. Knowing that I know karate I felt like I was at peace with the fact that maybe you could -- around with her but I'm not so offensive that. Asking you what a person is being roasted -- to take it all good fun. But the fact is all of these jokes have a kernel of truth is that people instantly what they're talking you could tell that it actually hurts. You know I'm very careful to -- sports but -- to answer your question specifically but doesn't offend somebody somewhere it's probably not funny. Yet right now I think in Idaho who's kicking well Barbara my car crossing the road you know yet screw him to. -- He didn't need that -- it would only people they just you realize did not have a sense of humor and I was gonna go bad a roast. You know. Courtney Love when I wrote that Courtney well we roasting Pam Anderson yeah -- yet and I can mount a full length fur coat humans and an active. For the war it's not real we can -- New Yorkers back. -- and Courtney Love -- it started like throwing ice at me and attacking me. As -- grant from my joked that if you know why we in the book prepare for a week yeah yeah and I had to sort of this arm her with. You know some killers and I figured this would. Yeah my mission you know right before you know the -- for the -- men's room with Andy Dick which of course is never a good idea who she came out is raging lunatic. Pump in the arm rest and flashing her. Brooms and her panties and the geek kind of crazy when you do your cookies and saved her life. I wrote to her into rehab yes that's a -- hit as -- how is that possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Coleman -- that's. I think I don't think save lives yeah you would look forcible limited dec sadly -- true but he's in rehab and -- sole mission in life is to get any respect for the monkeys."

" And that no we got to know how to great book that you got to fight if you just wanna learn how to tell a joke. I'd tell it well and it takes practice and this guy is one of the best. You gotta buy -- I only wrote the ones I love. And guys address please go back a little -- pressure give the government Michelle email us at red iPod he's got unbelievable it's not like like if you if you -- if you buy myself some."