'Bronx Street Kid'

" You know coming up right cavity when he's in all during the show that we have a very special guests here Rick Cain. Who was at number of -- Smith say that from infamous hell's angels for many years. You know facing death brutal abuse and and never finished high school apparently well what -- has. Beautiful book had just received that call the Bronx street kid that was to be on the front on the back on the another. Back effort for the guys up front looks really scary because. Haven't been unit and it it's about your life Terry go like growing up in a violent alcohol alcoholics home becoming an alcoholic itself no. And tell us the meaning of going to high school you were satellite. Going on the wrong street hobby and turn your life around to actually come out with this book called the Bronx --"

" I know I went ballet school but I got locked up every year fifteen to 28 and I was it. Drank and alive and doing a lot of crimes and hang out would gang you know. So I never. Thought that I never believed in myself why I gave myself. I got beaten which will be by my father. Put hedge clippers to my name put my head to walls I don't know that kind of I would love to cry. Panama actions saying the kid like -- marine you know. He's been bouncing court ruled debated it didn't -- high and have gotten beaten if you're an only child is now ahead. Two Brothers and this -- my older Brothers film sixteen. So I stuffed -- my feeling here knowing that god had sexually abused in a -- in because I was street kid I used to run around the notion of vision. I was down by the railroad track. Looking for friends and his men got me. And that I was afraid to say anything to my fan because that feed my father -- blame me and beat me. So I stuff in my whole life what do you mean the man god you got involved with helping those I mean sex abuse -- that in. We've got behind me any took my pants and I know he's doing he's got married men now won this stuff. And then train came in of people that -- my mouth and tell me. Shut up and only you let me go over and you know I never said anything useful for these. And then I stopped drinking in 1985. Full twelve B. What I was living the good life and I will motorcycle gang. I was a desperado. I left them to become Al -- who my ego would be and I made it. And I adore I was on capitol. Explaining what making it -- with -- blow -- the prospect did. For eighteen months and and I got voted in to become a member and my ego got a big boost. And then in 95. By a -- question on my motorcycle by a rival gang -- he wasn't an accident. I almost got married. Survive I don't know why. And I was not drinking and he's almost I was so that no more good I don't want to insult wolves that may -- That was -- live and an honest life. And I got kicked out of the club for that -- got kicked out because of the no nine crush on -- by a and then in September. I want to know can't pull it. With two members and pay him. And that trial was going on -- of the World Trade Center the first family tree and it was all kinds of cops there's so I let it go. They took it is -- so. And then they got voted me out the next -- And October of 95. And two years later I went back again Barack. And then have dad mileage is one."

" When you say you've got voted out of it but that's we've actually talked to people that have been in them and the mob from me. And and what they've said is that when you get voted out I mean it's not just -- you know. Worn suitcase there was retribution were you afraid of retribution. "

" Not really I didn't really feel I did anything wrong I was surprised that I got voted out. I thought maybe they would bust me back the prospect for a little while. Good I didn't do anything wrong in my hot but you know fourteen needs related it was a -- in any way because yeah. I ended up getting drunk again I wasn't drank -- will be but I wasn't. I wasn't live in the right kind of life you know these so movie is done is the and I was anonymous. I'm surprised that he drank the twelve he's. Film. In 2001. You don't want me -- my last break and I came back in the recovery. And I. Followed did you -- need to -- this time I got response. And I doubt we're all my stuff you know when I went to meet this video these and it would go in my childhood issues. Any thing that I stopped everything I may believe. The stuff that happened I thought 'cause I'm not drink and I'm getting better and I was a little bit but not enough. I didn't have any spiritual stuff. I do now you know loans and I believe in myself."

" You talk about not only twelve steps. Alcohol program but also. Accepting and allowing god to help."

" Even change you yeah pray meditate every day really play like this morning from that was. Nervous about this -- you can -- you're doing fine and then you tell me how tell us how you look at what you."

" I'm very well get from there. And going through all of us getting into the factory whose son out of the -- you want an inaccurate and excepting. And how'd you get from that point actually sitting down and writing a book."

" I used to write this stuff."

" I got a lot of stuff I wrote for my sponsors you know and NN program what I would write a program."

" Now where they it was a way of media always felt that I man talk about it. And then people kept saying you know lying trying to write a book. And I should just let my junkies I remember what journal NBA. And I say why would anybody be interested in this kind of stuff you know. Twelve he's worked had beaten him. There's too many that can't remember back came account that. You know and and the other stuff."

" But I did they get back to a you know and then eventually I say film room and I sent it didn't."

" What company but I was on hand written you know I don't know tight enough and and feel alone. They had -- they sent it back if we like it is good we can't work within us to be a professional format I don't."

" And is I looked up out of the computer and I got ought to house. And I emailed them and I said look everything happens and written. Will you work -- days. And they say you and we have to type in into the system and you may just pay is right two dollars and page you found I feel fine how things what I got. Some really got lost would like stuff like this April 2000."

" And then they did that these things -- never got to ask you."

" If you're punished alive exactly thirty years ago from drinking did you love me you have a steady."

" I know they get to know you you'll never around."

" Dragon and abroad seem more important member of run to open an all above. You. It really is very nice place -- boy have come united took the time told me why do -- off. Why did you make you march couldn't heated terror in my eyes is that what you wanted. You remember when I had to make your bed so perfect. I remember when you came into home with the white glove you always found does of course there was the beaten."

" I'm always -- from the Bronx New Jersey exports they've got a Little League American being played that he had said he. We only won five games that it twenties I was just that played right field."

" I make deals. I did pretty well I got a decent amount -- Why you have to come watch me play my -- although I've played the pony league I played first base and they go right you know we came alive."

" Do you care about me. Remember when you beat -- with the hedge clippers on my head."

" Like could you talk to me why did you always fun so I think he would kill me that they do need my system was dead. She cried the nation's and did. Could you see the pain you cause I would use done do you love me."

" They always seem like I could do nothing right they gave up trying Leon and I'm taking good -- and keep my mouth she. Why you I know me teach me you know -- show me anything. We stood you may it may you always hope and we. I was too afraid -- issue any thing. I knew you'd want to be blood and I was little boy I was not a marine -- so you I needed you needed a father. Why did for me or anybody else I realize you -- it was the reason. Again I hate your drink it is a kid and I said to myself I would never be like that. Who knew -- drunken troublemakers. -- made you -- very huge trouble I was irrational love from where we. -- remember getting drunk when you burn through you because of the balls. I was because I was always in trouble would pool and I was sent the way. You know dad I was actually abuse and a seven by -- life and on the railroad tracks by all room."

" I never want to tell you I was too afraid to do blame beat me. -- that right remember old times I've got hurt we live in the Bronx a fellow of the store room. Memoir almost cut -- thing you'll how about when I fell on that fight in the Alley in the way and the nail went through my hand."

" I can handle pain thanks to you. Well dad I know you would dead since June ninth 1979. Your drinking shut down live at age fifty states. That I forgive you you wish it never gonna help -- couldn't do your best. That people can boost to your life. I want it you know and I'm so then recovery. I haven't had a drink since June 20 2001. Do other side now my older brother was so but I think he's so fourteen these. You realize you taught me not to cry as you can do envelope please don't have shown. They stayed on the inside. Our house was full of -- said this sounds fear and terror. I have a good life today thankful my recovery groups. Who therapy and who -- go to for sex you view survived his. I just -- let you know I am all right I still think about you. I don't hate you anymore I forgive you and I love you operating god -- you to achieve."

" Which I wanna read you that message from one of our friends from Phoenix Arizona he says. I please ask can be read Jeremiah 2911 in the Bible god the purpose for your life and clearly in writing this book. And and talking about your experience and the experience and others around you you are. Doing so because let me let me just put it up again -- McCain the Bronx street kids. Into the twelve step recovery it's also about -- not to twelve step recovery through -- but finding the finding god. I'm Vicki said just sort of Richard's book I can't wait to get it Vicki from Illinois tool so you know keep touching the one person's life. I her story themselves. That that's you know."

" This having -- retreat and he's got back from and a woman board one she Coleman's. He said he cried -- time read my book but it really. He accomplished. Guys balloon. I don't want it to help others."

" Face the truth in my life."

" Well let's also hope that got."