'Bronx Street Kid'

" You know coming up right cavity and he's in all during the show that we have a very special guests here Rick Cain. Who was at number of -- Smith say that from infamous hell's angels for many years. You know facing death brutal abuse. And never finished high school apparently not well but -- has -- Beautiful book I've just received that call the Bronx street kid that was to be on the front on the back on the another. Back comfort for the got a front looks really scary because. Had -- been unit and it it's about your life Terry go like growing up in a violent alcohol alcoholics home becoming an alcoholic himself no. And tell us the meaning of going to high school you were -- like. -- on the wrong street hobby and turn your life around to actually come out with this book called the Bronx Bronx street --"

" I know I want -- high school but I got locked up every year fifteen to 28 and I was it. Drank and alive and doing a lot of crimes and hang out would -- and -- that. So I never. I thought -- I never believed in myself one I gave myself. I got beaten -- by my father. Put hedge clippers to my name put my head to walls. -- kind of I would love to cry. Panama actions saying -- kid like -- marine you know. He's been bouncing court ruled debated it didn't bounced high and have gotten beaten -- you an only child is now ahead. Two Brothers and assists and my older Brothers so -- sixteen. So I stuffed -- my feeling here knowing that god had sexually abused -- a step in because I was street kid I used to run around -- those -- And I was down by railroad track. Looking for friends and -- man got me. And I was afraid to say anything to my fan because that feed my father don't blame me and beat me. So I stuffed in my whole life what do you mean the man god you got involved with helping those I mean sex abuse I was -- and he got behind me any took my pants -- I didn't know he's doing he's done -- now line on this stuff. And then train came -- people that -- well my mouth and he told me. Shut up and only you let me go -- you know I never said -- painful for these. And then I -- in in 1985. Full twelve B. What I was in living the good life and I will motorcycle gang. I was a desperado. I left them to become Al -- who my ego would be and I made it. And I thought I was on capitol. Explaining what making it is with a healthy -- that prospect did. For eighteen months and then I got voted in to become a member and my ego got a big -- And then in 95. By a -- question on my motorcycle by a rival gang -- he was an accident. I almost got -- Survive I don't know why. And I was not drinking and he's almost I was so that no more good I don't want to insult -- that -- That was -- live in an honest life. And I got kicked out of the club for that you've got kicked out because of the -- nine crushed on the buy a and then in September. I worked -- can't pull it. With two members and pay him. And that trial was going on -- the -- of the World Trade Center the first family tree and -- it was all kinds of cops there's so I let it go. They took it is -- show. And then they got voted me out the next meet them. And October of 95. And two years later I went back again Iraq. And then -- dad mileage is one."

" When you say you've got voted out of it my -- we've actually talked to people that have been in them and -- the four million. And and what they said is that when you get voted out I mean it's not just -- yet you know. Worn suitcase there was retribution where you afraid of retribution. "

" Not really I didn't really feel I did anything wrong I was surprised that I got voted out. I thought maybe they would bust me back the prospect for a little while. Good I didn't do anything wrong in my hot but you know fourteen -- related it was a blessing in any way because yeah. I ended up getting drunk again I was -- drank -- will be but I wasn't. I wasn't live in the right kind of life you know being so good news is -- is the and I was anonymous. I'm surprised that he drank the twelve he's. -- In 2001. You don't want me to have my last break and I came back in the recovery. And I. Followed -- to -- at this time I got response. And I doubt we're all my stuff you know when I like to meet this video these and it would go in my childhood a huge. Any thing I stuffed everything I may believe. The stuff that happened I thought 'cause I'm not drink and I'm getting -- and I was a little bit but not enough. I didn't have any -- stuff. I do now you know loans and I believe in myself."

" you talk about not only twelve steps in alcohol program but also. Accepting and allowing god to help."

" Even change you yeah pray meditate every day really play like this morning -- that was. Nervous about this thing you can -- you're doing fine and you tell me how tell us how you look at what you."

" I'm very well -- from there. And going through all of us getting into the factory whose son out of the (%expletive) or want an inaccurate and excepting -- and how'd you get from that point actually sitting down and writing a book."

" I used to write this stuff."

" I got a lot of stuff I wrote for my sponsors you know and in the program but now -- editing program."

" Now where they it was a way of media always felt that I -- talk about that. And then people kept saying you know -- trying to write a book. And I should just let my junkies I remember like -- journal NBA. And I -- anybody -- in this kind of stuff you know. Twelve he worked the beaten them. There's too many -- that can remember back came account that. You know and and the other stuff."

" But I did to get back to a you know and then eventually I say film -- and I sent it didn't."

" What company but I was on hand written you know I don't -- tight enough and and -- alone. They had a little while they sent it back if we like it is good we can't work within us to be in a professional format."

" And is I looked -- the computer and I got ought to house. And I emailed them and I said look everything I -- and written. Will you work with is. And they say you and we have to type -- into the system anyway just -- two dollars a page -- I feel fine how things what I got. Somebody got lost put my stuff like this April 2000."

" And and they did that easy things -- never got to ask you."

" If you're punished alive exactly thirty years ago from drinking did you love me you have a steady."

" I never did get to know you you -- never around."

" Dragon and the -- seem more important member of -- to open in all above the bad news. It really is very nice place little boy have come united took the time told me why do -- Why did you make -- couldn't heated terror in my eyes is that what you wanted. You remember when I had to make your bed so perfect. And then when you came into home with the white glove you always found does of course there was -- beaten."

" I remember always move from the Bronx New Jersey -- they've got a Little League American being played that he had said you. We only won five games that -- one I was just that played right field."

" I didn't make deals. I did pretty well I got a decent amount and it's. Why you have -- watch me play when I -- although I've played the pony league I played first base and they go right you know that came alive."

" Do you care about me. Remember when you beat -- with the hedge clippers on my head."

" Like could you talk to me why did you always -- so I think he would kill me that they do need my sister was dead. She cried -- nations and did. Could you see the pain you cause I was -- done do you love me."

" They always seem like I could do nothing right I gave up trying Leon and I'm taking -- be and keep my mouth she. Why do I know me teach me you know the show me anything. We stood -- mad at me you always hope and we. I was too afraid -- issue anything. I knew -- want to be -- I was a little boy I was not a marine always told you I needed you needed a father. Why did for me or anybody else I realize you drinking was the reason. I -- hate your drink it is a kid and I said to myself I would never be like that. Who knew load the drunken troublemakers. -- made you -- very huge -- I was irrational love from where we. And then they get drunk when you burn through you -- because of the balls. I was because I was always in trouble would cool and I was sent the way. You know dad I was actually abuse and a seven by -- and on the railroad tracks by -- room."

" I never want to tell you I was too afraid to do -- and beat me. -- that right remember old times I've got hurt we live in the Bronx a fellow of the storm -- Memoir almost cut my -- How about when I fell on that five in the Alley in the way and the nail went through my hand."

" Well I can handle pain thanks to you. Well dad I know you're dead since June ninth 1979. You're drinking shut down -- age fifty states. That forgive you you -- he never got help and couldn't do your best. Think people can't -- took your life. I want it you know -- I'm -- any recovery. I haven't had a drink since June 20 2001. Do other side now my older brother was so but I think he's so fourteen we. You realize you've taught me not to cry as you can do envelope please -- They stayed on the inside. Our house was full of pain -- sounds fear and terror. I have a good life today thanks -- my recovery -- Who therapy and who -- go to for sex you view survive his. I just want to let you know I am all right I still think about you. I don't hate you anymore I forgive you and I love you -- got -- gave you two --"

" I want to read you -- message from one of our friends. From Phoenix Arizona he says. Please ask can be read Jeremiah 2911 in the Bible god the purpose for your life and clearly in writing this book. And and talking about your experience and the experience -- and others around you you are. Doing some because let me let me just put it up again and -- McCain the Bronx street kids. Into the twelve step recovery it's also about -- not just twelve step recovery through -- but finding the finding dot. I'm Vicki said just -- Richard's book I can't wait to get it Vicki from Illinois -- so you know keep touching than one person's life. I -- her story himself that that's you know."

" This having them on retreat and you've got back from and a woman board one -- Coleman's. He said he cried six -- read my book but it really. He accomplished. Guys -- I don't want it to help others."

" And face the truth in my life."

" Well let's also hope that got."