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Scientists invent skin-prodding laser device to tell you when you’ll die

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The Endotheliometer is a watch-like device that uses laser technology to evaluate your health conditions.Lancaster University/Aneta Stefanovska/Bernjack

People may often tell you to live as if you’ll die tomorrow, but that only makes sense if you are actually diagnosed with terminal illness and decide to quit your job to enjoy some last moments on earth. For everyone else, this concept just attempts to glorify YOLOing recklessly or justify that one night stand with the waitress from Hooter’s. No! Not okay! Unless you have a definite estimate on how much time you have left in life, there’s no reason to behave dangerously. To get that estimate, however, you might need to wear one of these “death test” watches to predict when you’re going to kick the bucket.

Created by physics professors Aneta Stefanovska and Peter McClintock from Lancaster University in England, the unnamed gadget that administers these so-called death tests is a watch-like device that uses laser technology to evaluate your health conditions.

The watch sends laser beams deep into the wearer’s skin to analyze tiny cells inside the ­capillaries and determine how the body is aging. 

“Everything that goes on in your cardiovascular system, whether you are going to have a stroke or heart attack, starts off as something going wrong in the endothelium,” Stefanovska said. By testing the tissue under the skin, doctors will be able to see early signs of diseases, such as cancer, coronary heart disease, or dementia.

Using the data gathered from these laser beams, cell functions are rated between 0 to 100 based on optimal levels. This number is then used to calculate the person’s remaining life span.

“I’m hoping we will build a database that will become larger and larger, so every person measured can be compared against it,” Stefanovska said. “We will then be in a position to tell them the values [that] predict a certain number of years.”

The prototype is currently described as “bulky and experimental,” but the team says they are working to miniaturize the size to that of a wristwatch. They estimate the device to cost approximately $310 to $464, and hope to have the product ready for market in the next three years.

Just don’t die before then if you want to keep living on the edge, and maybe cut back on a few fried Oreos.