We Won't Punish You: Read All About 'Fifty Shades' Homes

  • apartment that inspired Fifty Shades of Grey apartment

    apartment that inspired Fifty Shades of Grey apartment

  • Los Angeles, CA

    Los Angeles, CA

  • Escala building, Seattle, WA

    Escala building, Seattle, WA

If you've harbored fantasies about life in the Seattle penthouse that inspired the "Fifty Shades of Grey" S&M funhouse owned by Christian Grey, you're a little too late. Don't worry -- we won't punish your tardiness. (Or publish your names.)

Yes, the home described in fetishistic detail by "Shades" author E.L. James as the living quarters of the book's billionaire/playboy/pervert protagonist does, in fact, exist.

The grand 5,170-square-foot condo in the Escala building, which hit the market about two weeks ago, is already pending sale.

The unit hit the market for $8.8 million -- with a hefty HOA payment of over $3,900 a month. Those fees cover 24-hour concierge service, a private spa, and a private dining room, among many other luxe amenities. We hope Champagne is on the menu!

Located on the 30th floor, it features floor-to-ceiling windows that look over Seattle's Space Needle and Elliott Bay. It has 1,000 square feet of terraces for outdoor entertaining and a private elevator to discreetly ferry guests.

Although the condo doesn't have a red room, where Grey introduced Anastasia Steele to the hurts-so-good lifestyle, we're sure the buyer will make do without the S&M accoutrements. As for why the Seattle building became infamously tied to Grey -- author James was inspired by the Escala's marketing materials while the building was under construction and she was writing the trilogy.

In the book, James describes the place in her trademark florid prose:

"He opens two double doors, and the white theme continues through the wide corridor and directly opposite where a palatial room opens up. It's the main living area, double height. Huge is too small a word for it. The far wall is glass and leads on to a balcony that overlooks Seattle. … This apartment looks more like a gallery than a place to live."

Phew! Is it hot in here, or is it just us?

Back to the business at hand: If you're willing to forgo your penthouse dreams, there is another luxury opportunity at the Escala. A unit on the 27th floor is currently on the market for $3,125,000. Remodeled just a couple of years ago, the two-bedroom condo features wood floors, marble counters, a glorious walk-in closet, and the same captivating views of Seattle.

In yet more Grey-related news, Jamie Dornan, the actor who plays the billionaire with a penchant for whips and chains on the big screen -- including next February's sequel, "Fifty Shades Darker" -- reportedly paid $2.8 million for a four-bedroom, four-bath home in the Hollywood Hills of L.A. The home features an open layout and hit the market for $3 million in late June. We'll guess the actor didn't have to bind anyone's hands, but he was able to negotiate a $150,000 reduction from the home's original asking price.

The Mid-Century Modern home is a bit tame for Grey, but it appears to suit the down-to-earth British actor and his family just fine. The circa-1959 home sports an atrium, two-sided stone fireplace, and floor-to-ceiling sliders that lead to a pool and patio. There are no secret rooms that we know of.