Wednesday, March 16, 2005
A word about gay marriage: As you might have heard, a judge in San Francisco has ruled that it is unconstitutional for the state of California to ban gay marriage (search). That means all those same sex couples who were married by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom can go back to thinking they are married.
Now, just to be clear on this, those same sex couples are something, but I am quite sure it is not married.
Why? Because marriage is something men and women do. They don't always do it well — you only have to look at the divorce rate, or the number of pregnant women killed by their spouse to realize that. But, nonetheless, for all its imperfections, for all the gory fun of divorce court, it is something that men and women do.
Why is it just men and women? Because since history has been recorded, chipped in stone, inked onto papyrus, scribed into great books or printed on your ink jet, the basic idea behind marriage has been to set up a system for the raising of kids.
The first knuckle-dragging people recognized they didn't want to raise their kids like the monkeys, so they set up another system.
Gays can't have kids — other than going to the abandoned kids store and getting one or two, or borrowing sperm from someone with more sperm than brains — so by definition they're out of the marriage game.
In theory, so would couples who get married in their eighties. Chances are good that no kids come out of that holy union. But it is at least theoretically possible. Not so with gays.
Now, gay couples should have certain rights of marriage — inheritance, insurance, visitation — all that lawyerly stuff.
But they should take the advice of a friend of mine who said he'd defend gays against any form of discrimination, but they had to pick a new word — marriage is taken.
Now what about this ruling that gay marriage is legal from the judge in San Francisco?
Well what about it? He's a judge in San Francisco — of course he says gay marriage is constitutional. You think he could live there if he said otherwise?
As they say in Jersey: "Fuhgedaboutit!"
That's My Word.
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