Last week’s series of protest in Chicago in response tothe police shooting death of 17-year-old black teenager LaquanMcDonald was crawling with communists.

Old, white agitators from the Revolutionary Communist Party— a far-left Maoist outfit which advocates violent insurgency— leda protest throughout the downtown area which featured much chantingand a stop at the sleek Trump International Hotel &Tower.

A second communist group that was out in force for the week ofprotests was the Progressive LaborParty. Its members did not to lead protests. Instead, theydistributed black-and-white newspapers — aperfect metaphor, really, for the outdated historical relic ofcommunism.

A small, energetic black woman provided The Daily Caller with acopy of the November 25, 2015 edition of the Challenge, theProgressive Labor Party’s small broadsheet (printed inEnglish and Spanish but micro-aggressively insulting Spanishspeakers by making the identical Spanish section a clearlysecondary insert).

Curious — and bored out of its mind over Thanksgiving— TheDC read the English section of “the revolutionarycommunist newspaper of the Progressive Labor Party” cover tocover.

Here are 17 things TheDC learned:

1.) America’s tiny, sad band of Progressive Labor Partymembers believe they will stir — and somehow lead — aviolent coup to overthrow every country’s government and takeover the entire world. “Only the dictatorship of theworking class — communism — can provide a lastingsolution to the disaster that is today’s world for billionsof people. This cannot be done through electoral politics, butrequires a revolutionary movement and a mass Red Army led byPLP.”

2.) Under communism, the world will do away with prices andcurrency. “There will be no money or wages. Incentiveswill be political, not material. We will work to serve ourclass.”

3.) The Progressive Labor Party’s opposition to pricesdoesn’t prevent it from charging prices for its newspaper.The fine print explains that a six-month subscription costs $10.Like any good group of capitalists, the party offers big savings ifyou buy more of their stuff. “One Year: $15.”However: “$35 for institution.”Stick it to the man! The address where you can sendchecks is a post office box in Brooklyn, N.Y.

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4.) America’s radical communists believe the 2016presidential nominees will be imperialist lapdogs Hillary Clintonand Marco Rubio. “For the moment, at least, the bossesare leaning toward Rubio as the Republican nominee.”“On the Democratic side, the warmakers’ current choiceis Hillary Clinton. A reliable servant of U.S. imperialism asBarack Obama’s former secretary of state.” TheProgressive Labor Party holds a grudge against Clinton forengineering “the mass slaughter of workers in Libya in2011.”

5.) Bernie Sanders is a puppet for the conservativeestablishment. “The liberal Democrat‘insurgent,’ Bernie Sanders, is in fact apro-imperialist tool of the same establishment that now favorsRubio.”

6.) Requiring welfare recipients to work to continue receivingtaxpayer funds if they are able is “slave laborworkfare.”

7.) Capitalism exploits white people, sure, but itsuper-exploits black people, Hispanics, Asians andother minorities. “Capitalism uses racism tosuper-exploit Black, Latin, Asian and indigenous workers, and todivide the entire working class.” Also, of course,capitalism is an entity with power to act, theway death is the serial killer in the “FinalDestination” movie series.

8.) A letter to the newspaper ostensibly from a student arrestedafter a protest urges that large numbers of people who disagreewith the Progressive Labor Party should be imprisoned.“Taxing the rich isn’t enough. If we want to have auniversity, a society and a world that serves the needs of workingpeople, it’s the capitalists and their political servants whoneed to be put in prison.”

9.) The Brookings Institution is a “pro-imperialistthink tank.”

10.) The communist dictatorships in Russia and China were notractual communist dictatorships because they were insufficientlyfanatical. “Capitalism returned to Russia and Chinabecause socialism retained many aspects of the profit system, likewages and privileges. Russia and China did not establishcommunism.” The Progressive Labor Party offers noofficial judgment of economic basket case North Korea.

11. The Progressive Labor Party is totally against“all imperialist war” but totally for“revolutionary class war.” The newspaper doesnot explain the vital difference between these two kinds ofwar.

12.) Despite their belief that Russia engaged in fraudulentcommunism, America’s communists revere Vladimir Lenin forfreeing “one-sixth of the world’s surface fromcapitalism.” The Progressive Labor Party also flatlyrefuses to believe that millions of people starved to death under the Soviet Union’sfailed policies. “In the 1930s, when the entirecapitalist world sank into depression, and tens of millionsworldwide were left jobless and starving (much like today), theSoviet Union was forging ahead with building a new society withoutunemployment and hunger.” Also, Joseph Stalin“is reviled to this day” because he fought theNazis.

13.) Bill Maher is full of “anti-Muslimzealotry.”

14.) A November Progressive Labor Party study group attracted 13participants. “On November 9, the study group discussedthe idea of ‘Don’t vote, revolt.’ This studygroup was one of our largest yet, with 13 participants in all,including several new people.” “We distributed 200newspapers, including one to a person who came out because hisfriend texted him that the communists were outside with theirpaper.”

15.) The Progressive Labor Party describes a miniscule protestattended by perhaps two dozen people in Worcester, Mass. as anuprising that shook the city to its core. “We supportedcollege students in leading a citywide walkout and blockingtraffic. We also participated in militant meetings at WorcesterCity Hall. The city government was shaken by this resurgence ofstudent militancy and feared the outbreak of rebellion. In aneffort to undermine the coalition, the city created a new positionof chief diversity officer.”

16.) Hugo Chavez just wasn’t enough of a hardcorecommunist. “Pseudo-leftist groups have not learnedhistory’s lessons and continue to fight for nationalist‘sharing or power’ with capitalists, a laVenezuela’s Chavez, not for the working-class seizure ofpower and the dictatorship of the proletariat.”

17.) Members of the Progressive Labor Party demand control overeverything and everyone in the entire world. And theyenthusiastically urge you to get in on the ground floor.“Communism means the Party leads every aspect of society.For this to work, millions of workers — eventually everyone— must become communist organizers. Join Us!”

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