Politics

Local GOP Beats Grayson to the Punch, Accuses Florida Foe of Spearheading ‘Alien Invasion’

And the award for most over-the-top piece of satire goes to ... the Orange County Republican Executive Committee.

After Florida Rep. Alan Grayson (D) unleashed a storm of criticism from the left, right and center over an ad that took Republican opponent Daniel Webster's comments out of context, local GOP Chairman Lew Oliver had a little - okay, a lot - of fun with the controversy.

The Republican committee issued a lengthy press release Tuesday afternoon under the all-caps headline: "ORANGE COUNTY GOP CHAIR ACCUSES DAN WEBSTER OF BEING A SERIAL KILLER, HITLER CLONE (LITERALLY), MASTERMIND OF TWO GENOCIDES, AND SECRET POPE OF SATANISM. OLIVER REFUSES TO COMMENT ON REPORTS THAT WEBSTER IS ALSO THE SPEARHEAD OF AN ALIEN INVASION."

Confused?

For context, Grayson is under fire for releasing an ad that called his opponent "Taliban Dan" and played quotes of Webster saying wives should "submit" to their husbands - it could have been a devastating ad, had Webster not released the unedited original footage in which he can be heard saying the exact opposite. Key words like "don't" were edited out of Grayson's ad.

Grayson has been defiant in defending the spot, which included an assertion that Webster wants to impose "radical fundamentalism" on America. It is in that vein of accusations that the Orange County GOP issued a satirical release to scoop Grayson on whatever dirty Webster secrets he might turn up next.

Paraphrasing will do no justice, so here are just a few excerpts from the release: "Bowing to the inevitable, a clearly broken-hearted Orange County GOP Chair Lew Oliver publicly -- and tearfully -- accused Congressional Dist 8 Republican candidate Dan Webster of the following:

1. Dan Webster is not just one of the FBI's most wanted serial killers, in fact he is ALL of them. He is so diabolical that many of his crimes actually pre-date his birth.

2. Dan Webster is the secret clone of Adolf Hitler. Dan's birthday shortly after WWII is proof of the unspeakable Nazi achievement. Only extensive plastic surgery (paid for by Nazis in Argentina) conceals the shocking truth.

3. While apparently running his local air conditioning repair business, Dan Webster was in fact masterminding the genocides in both Rwanda and the Sudan. Sometimes, Dan called in his crimes against humanity by cell phone while replacing Freon at a customer's business location and while also callously enjoying a Chic Fil-et sandwich.

4. Dan is the secret Pope of Satanism. There is nothing else I can say on this and still keep my pancreas from being eaten by a coven.

The statement went on like this, also suggesting Webster had been "partly absorbed by extraterrestrial life forms in preparation for an invasion of the earth." The statement explained at the end that it was the committee's hope to "control the damage" on these accusations by getting them out in the open before Grayson did.

"The only way we can possibly resist, let alone counter, this onslaught of daily Enquirer-style attacks, is to beat Alan Grayson to the punch," the release concluded. "Hence today's sad, but necessary news."

Mike Emanuel currently serves as chief congressional correspondent for FOX News Channel (FNC). He joined FNC in 1997 as a Los Angeles-based correspondent.