The ABC's of Britney Spears

Her last 5 years set to nursery school rhyme.

  • 0303091238_M_A_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    A is for ACL, which is the ligament she tore, before the Onyx Tour, in 2004.

  • 0303091238_M_B_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    There's a double "B" in Kabbalah, the religion she once followed, before pop star pal Madonna got her arms all pumped, and her cheeks all hollowed.

  • 0303091238_M_C_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    C is for as cheerful as a fish is when its wet, which is how she felt when she and Kevin Federline got engaged three months after they met.

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    D is for de night of September 18, when Spears and Kevin turned into Mr. and Mrs. Federline. (Pronounced FederLEEN for rhyming purposes.)

  • 0303091238_M_E_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    E is for "ecstatic," which is how she felt a year later, when she gave birth to Sean Preston, who some affectionately call "Tater."

  • 0303091238_M_F_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    F is for "filler," sad to say, but that's what it is, when you release a greatest hits collection, and cover "My Prerogative."

  • 0303091238_M_G_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    G is for "guest-star," Britney's stab at prime time fame, came on "Will & Grace," opposite that flamboyant actor, what's his name?

  • 0303091238_M_H_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    H is for "hysterics," which is how the audience behaved, when Brit announced her second pregnancy on that late night show with Dave.

  • 0303091238_M_I_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    I is for the 2006 incident where Britney went too far, when she failed to strap her toddler in the carseat of her car.

  • 0303091238_M_J_Britney_Spears_bazaar_450.jpg
    J is for the jacket Britney forgot to wear, when she was naked on the August 2006 cover of Harper's Bazaar (available in grocery stores everywhere).

  • 0303091238_M_K_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    K is for Kevin III, also known as Jayden James, the couple's second boy, born in 2006 in Los Angeles.

  • 0303091238_M_L_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    L is for "I'm leaving," that's what she told KFed, when she filed for divorce November 7, 2006, and took off full steam ahead.

  • 0303091238_M_M_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    M is for "mistake," the one she made the next night, when she shaved her head with electric clippers, with 8,723 photographers in plain sight.

  • 0303091238_M_N_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    N is for "no no no," which is what a videographer screamed, when bald Britney attacked his car with an umbrella, while he filmed the entire scene.

  • 0303091238_M_O_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    O is for "Oh please God no," that's what the audience said, at each stop on her mini club tour, when she seemed a bit out of her head.

  • 0303091238_M_P_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    P is for "probation," one of the sentences you can receive, for hit-and-run and driving without a license, which is how they charged Britney.

  • 0303091238_M_Q_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    Q is for "quite nasty," that's how bad custody hearings got, before Kevin got full custody of the kids, and Brit, not a heckuva lot.

  • 0303091238_M_R_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    R is for "rebound," which Britney does quite well, her comeback single "Gimme More" peaked at No.3 and continues to sell and sell.

  • 0303091238_M_S_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    S is for "sad," a kind review of her 2007 MTV Video Music Awards performance, when she stumbled around singing "Gimme More" looking like a female "Otis." (The drunk guy from "The Andy Griffith Show.")

  • 0303091238_M_T_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    T is for "the cops" who were called on January 3, 2008, when Britney wouldn't give her kids back to Kevin after not sleeping for over four days.

  • 0303091238_M_U_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    U is for "under temporary conservatorship of her father," which is where Britney was placed. Now he now controls everything she does, and keeps an eye on her place.

  • 0303091238_M_V_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    V is for "vile human," that's what Bitney's daddy thinks of Brit's ex-manager Sam, who now cannot come within several hundred feet of his former money-pram.

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    W is for "who knew?" if Brit would ever act again? Her 2008 guest starring role "How I Met Your Mother" made that show a hit again.

  • 0303091238_M_X_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    X is for the excitment that preceded the 2008 MTV Video Music show, as rumors filled the air that Brit would sing if she should go. Instead she did a skit, and that was a about it.

  • 0303091238_M_Y_Britney_Spears_450.jpg
    Y is for you've got to be kidding me, she still has that many fans? Her album Circus debuted at number one on the Billboard 200, selling 505,000 copies, faster thatn you can say "also ran."

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    Z is for zee next chapter in Britney's well-chronicled life. Her Circus tour is underway and she just got named Candies' spokeswoman, so things have started out quite nice.