Quick, call an ambulance — or a bartender. The Old Gray Lady has fallen and can’t get up.

In a piece that is either hilariously tipsy or an example of staggeringly creative hypocrisy, New York Times editorial writers twisted themselves into knots over Donald Trump. In just nine paragraphs in Friday’s paper, they managed both to denounce Trump’s dive into the Clinton sexual swamp while simultaneously repeating some of the juicy stuff. Talk about wanting it both ways.

The unsigned editorial starts by insisting that Trump sees “his role as the person who dredges up what nobody else wants to talk about.” After recounting Hillary Clinton’s accusation that Trump is sexist, it then says Trump is “way out of line for bringing up Mr. Clinton’s philandering.”

So far, so predictable. But suddenly the editorial makes a U-turn and wants to join Trump in talking about the Clintons and sex! It admits that Hillary has a record of “attacking the character of women linked to her husband,” and recounts an exchange where a New Hampshire voter confronted Hillary with the names of three women — Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey and Paula Jones — who accused Bill Clinton of rape or harassment.

The Times called Hillary’s response “odd and unhelpful” before remembering that it came to bury Trump, not agree with him.

It said he was wrong to link her to an “ancient scandal” and climbed back on its high horse to conclude, “There should be no place for that kind of politics in this country.”

Yes, there shouldn’t be, but thank God there is.

To continue reading Michael Goodwin's column on other topics, including President Obama and last week's Town Hall on "Guns in America" in the New York Post, click here.

Michael Goodwin is a Fox News contributor and New York Post columnist.