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Adios, Weiner and Spitzer -- don't let the door hit you (unless you'd like that)

  • NEW YORK - APRIL 7: "EXCLUSIVE" Former New York Governor and Attorney General Eliot Spitzer works at the family firm started by his father Bernard Spitzer on 5th Avenue and goes about his business on the streets of New York on April 10, 2009 in New York, NY. On March 10, 2008, The New York Times reported that Spitzer was a client of a prostitution ring under investigation by the federal government. Two days later, he announced his resignation as governor of New York, effective March 17, citing "private failings". (Photo by Charles Ommanney/Getty Images)2009 Charles Ommanney

Well, you tried. You figured Marion Barry had nine lives. Bill Clinton is a political Godfather, heck Mark Sanford JUST staged a comeback of this exact variety. Besides, you're democrats! You're entitled!

You figured hyper-partisan, attack-dog liberals in a lefty town full of vulnerable pawns would welcome you with outstretched empty arms which you could vow to fill with so much free stuff.

So you announced your candidacies, took off your jackets (kept your pants on) jumped on an uptown train and started making promises.

What you didn't take into account were your respective creep factors. We never actually saw Clinton's cigars. But we all saw Weiner. 

We never heard the dirty talk between Bubba and Monica, but we read all the filthy text messages and knew that they had been sent to very young strangers -- many liberals have daughters.

What you didn't take into account were your respective creep factors.

While there were no pictures of slimy Spitzer, we were all forced to bear the burden of the indelible image of his pale middle aged body clad in nothing but black socks. 

We also knew that this former attorney general skated after crossing state lines to commit a crime with a young woman less than half his age. Again, many liberals have daughters.

Bottom line: You can't run for office if the first thing that comes to a voters mind when they hear your name is "eeeewwwwww."

Also, timing is everything. Some things are beyond sacred. 

You can never, ever cheat on your wife when she is physically compromised. Just ask John Edwards and Newt Gingrinch. 

Weiner participating in aberrant  sexual behavior whilst his wife is carrying their son is nothing less than a vile sin.

You guys also forgot something else. As lockstep liberal as the minority community is, they hold some socially conservative values, too. 

Add that to the no nonsense mindset of New Yorkers in general. "Street Smarts" weren't born in Little Rock. Street Smarts are indigenous to the boulevards of New York City. They saw you deviant opportunists a mile away.

Make no mistake, the libs here probably would have voted for you against a Republican. They're still sheep. But given the choice of several other lefties all of whom have managed to control their sexual urges, they sent you packing.

Neither of you showed true contrition. You both displayed an obnoxious narcissism.

WAIT! Perhaps you knew you were going to lose! Perhaps you enjoyed the humilitation? Was this an exercise in masochism?

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!

T.J. McCormack is a comedian and commentator. He is host of "Good Morning Westchester" on WVOX 1460AM in New Rochelle, N.Y.