I have had a very good life. I have also had the great good fortune (or is it misfortune?) to have been married -- and divorced -- four times. After several decades on this Earth I've learned a few things about love and romance.
Here are five things not to do on Valentine's Day -- that day of romance that was really made up to sell cards by Hallmark. As you read this, remember I know what I’m talking about having been through four divorces.
1. Never give her sexy lingerie. You both know this is a gift for YOU not her. Also stay away from pajamas. She’ll think you don’t think she's sexy any longer.
2. Forget flowers. Here's the truth: It takes little or no effort to email or phone in an order for a dozen roses on February 14 -- and your lady love knows it. Also those roses that cost $200 dollars on Valentine's Day the next day will cost just $10 dollars. Here's a tip: spend the big bucks on birthdays and anniversaries.
3. Don’t book a fancy restaurant. The joint will be packed with other guys trying to impress their women. The food will be cold and you’ll be rushed out in record time and the bill will help lower the national debt.
4. Don’t write anything original but uninspired on your Hallmark Valentine card like "Roses are red violets are blue my best day was when I met you"...ugh!
5. Don’t suggest that you share Valentine's evening with friends. This will not end well and it could end your friendship and maybe your marriage.
6. All the above.
What should you do on Valentine's Day? Tell her you love her. Mean it. And say it like you mean it. And if you don't mean it, well, maybe you should send me some flowers and give me a call.
Marvin Himelfarb, a senior producer at Fox News Channel, was previously a writer on numerous prime-time TV shows, including "Silver Spoons" and "Hart to Hart."