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Get real, getting married before age 25 is not too young

marriagenew

Bride Satoko Inouye, 36, puts a ring on a finger of her groom Tomohiro Shibata 42, as I-Fairy, a four-foot tall seated robot, wearing a wreath of flowers, directs their wedding ceremony at a Tokyo restaurant Sunday, May 16, 2010. The wedding was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to manufacturer Kokoro Co. (AP Photo/Itsuo Inouye) (AP2010)

Okay folks, I’m just going to jump right into it. The Huffington Post just posted a piece asking for the government forbidding the practice of marriage for young people. The author writes, "couples should not be allowed to get married before age 25."

I know what you’re thinking…hipsters.

You’d be correct. No longer confined to the ever-changing world of ironically ugly fashion, hipsters are now applying their trendy outlook to their very own values, demanding that the government enforce them onto others in the process.

“Who knows? Maybe there are 20-year-olds that get married and stay madly in love for their whole lives… Maybe there is such thing as fairies and unicorns too.”

Yes, this is actually the crux of an argument that author Jennifer Nagy genuinely believes to be factually sound. Writing a rebuttal almost feels wrong, as one can truly sense how proud she was of her accomplishment. Clearly, she’s very pleased with herself. Allow me to try and first crack her airtight case by using a few personal examples; my fiancée and I are getting married “young” this August. Just including those in the wedding party…

…My parents were married “young” and have been so happily for twenty eight years.

The bride-to-be’s parents were married in their teens, and they’ve been celebrating their love for well over forty years.

The bride’s grandparents were married exceedingly young. They’ll be going on seventy years soon.

The pastor marrying us married his high school sweetheart. Over twenty years and going strong!

The best man (my brother) married just below your government-sanctioned cutoff… He’s still doing very well with his gorgeous, loyal, loving wife. (And, might I add, good for him, we didn’t think he’d do so well for himself.)

Two more of my remaining groomsmen married when either they or their wives were under the age of twenty-two.

So it seems that maybe “people” getting married young isn’t the problem, Ms. Nagy. You getting married young is. That tends to happen when vapid, valueless leftists make poor life decisions.

“My opinions are based solely on my personal experiences and the experiences of the people that I know and have observed.”

Might I suggest changing your association?

“People under the age of 25 are still discovering themselves; they are figuring out what is most important in their lives.”

Let me see. Today I am somebody who seeks to be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be. Looking back, when I was fourteen, I aspired to… be the best believer, husband, father, businessman and man of integrity that I can be.

Would you look at that!

“I was enjoying the freedom of drinking and partying legally for the first time (I live in Canada where the drinking age is 19). I had yet to figure out who I was or what I wanted in my life.”

This paragraph literally includes the cause and effect of one’s poor life decisions without one realizing it. The author's not just in on the gag. Who’d have thought that living life like a dime store floozy throughout your formative years could negatively affect your decision-making ability or long-term, future relationships?

Oh yeah, anyone with a shred of moral direction.

“…They (young people) are discovering the joys (and heartache) of being in a relationship, and then the partying that often characterizes life between relationships.”

You seem to be assuming that partying/drinking in excess is just something that young people do. Sadly, many of them do. 

Guess who doesn’t? My fiancée and I. Does that guarantee a lifelong, happy marriage? No, but it sure is indicative of people who are able to avoid becoming the kind of secretly self-loathing lush that you were. 

I’m guessing that ability to withstand peer pressure and adhere to one’s values might translate to the kind of backbone necessary for a successful lifelong relationship. But what do I know? I’m only 24! *sad trumpet*

“We decided to get married when I was 24. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time because everyone knows that after five years, you should be married or at least engaged, right? It was definitely the message that I was getting from all of our friends.”

Did your friends (like our friends) encourage you to make sure that your values were in alignment, that you understood the action of love vs. its emotion, that marriage was not to be entered lightly and that it could be both incredibly difficult and incomparably rewarding? Once they did that, did they ensure that you and your future spouse sought out both proper pre-marital counseling and accountability partners?

Did they explain to you the statistical benefits of abstinence until marriage, and the possible pitfalls of living together before tying the knot?

I’m betting not… after all those values would be archaic, right?

At the end of the day, Ms. Nagy, you’ve chosen to throw all of these facts and variables right out the window. You’ve instead decided that it’s the government’s job to disallow people of their privilege to marry.

You find solace in the idea of government intervention because it would prove (or at least provide populous support) that young marriages simply couldn’t work, rather than coming to grips with your own horrible life decisions. It couldn’t be your life pattern of situational ethics dictating your ever-changing values that resulted in your failed marriage. Rather, I guess it’s the world that’s done you wrong.

You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. Meanwhile, I’ll be sipping a cold one on the beach next to my wonderful new wife on our honeymoon.

Because we decided to do it the right way. Government intervention not included.

Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor. Follow him on Twitter@scrowder.