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'Jersey Shore' Goes to Italy -- Will the Country Care?

Italy -- it's a silly place. Sure, they boast great food, beautiful architecture and a shirtless George Clooney in his off-season, but it now looks like the famous folks from the shores of Jersey may tarnish the country’s good reputation forever. As the cast of the MTV smutfest descend upon the land shaped like a boot, Italians aren’t happy.

"It will not only hurt Italians but all Americans … their outrageous, reprehensible behavior will make us look like buffoons and bimbos," said a representative of UNICO.

… Really? Enter Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Burlusconi; the man currently facing allegations of sex… sorry “orgies” with prostitutes including some members who may have been as young as seventeen. To be fair, the age of consent in Italy (like many European countries) is only fourteen years old. Afterall, bonking a prime minister is a sound decision of which junior high students are more than capable of making. The complications only come into play when the fourteen year old is paid for the sex. See, one has to be eighteen years old to prostitute themselves legally without remorse in Italy. Don’t even get them started on the complicated refund policies.

… But this "Jersey Shore" business, that has to stop.

It should be noted that we don’t know whether Berlusconi actually did the bologna bop with the girl. Matter of fact, there’s a good chance that he didn’t. Good for him. Just as surely, there seems to be little doubt that he’s frequented ladies of the night regularly throughout his career. That part isn’t so controversial however, because in Italy, prostitution isn’t really seen as wrong. What is seen as wrong; are spray-tans and rhinestone T-shirts.

The mindset in Italy however is an all-too common European worldview on morality. In my hometown of Montreal, the biggest sign in our city is for “Club Super Sexe.” No, it’s not some seedy gentlemen’s club buried in a red light district… it’s our Times Square equivalent. By the time I’d reached four years old, the giant, flashing, neon, purple nipples had just become a part of the everyday cultural landscape.

Listen, it’s easy to reach your standards when you’ve set none to begin with. When it comes to flagrant, tacky, in-your-face sexuality, Italy has set the bar pretty low. So why the outrage over Jersey Shore?
Could it be manufactured? Could it be one last attempt from the pot, in calling the kettle black? Does an orange hue and classless wardrobe really compare to a philandering Prime Minister with a penchant for orgies?

Americans, is the European culture something that you’d like to see adopted here in the states, or are you comfortable being the perceived last bastion of prudishness?

… And please, if you’re Italian and paying for sex, make sure she’s eighteen. It’s the responsible, and tax-deductible thing to do.

Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor. Follow him on Twitter@scrowder.