'Only a Buzzard Feeds on His Friends' and Ten Other Tips For Republicans From the Cowboys

By Patrick DorinsonPolitical Commentator

Last week I offered some Old West cowboy wisdom for President Obama after he returned from his trip to Europe and Turkey. Well, Congressional Republicans, just to keep it fair and balanced, it's your turn to take your medicine so get in line and open wide 'cause here comes the castor oil.

I hope you had a good spring break. If you went home and listened and I mean really listened to your constituents good for you. If you grabbed the wife and kids, hopped on a government plane and went on a "fact finding" junket to some exotic locale, you must not be listening.

Here's some things for you to think about. Since you are out of power, you get twice as many tips as the president:

1. When You Lose, Don't Lose the Lesson

You have taken a thumpin' in two consecutive election cycles. And yet it seems that you haven't learned the lesson. If you think it was all George Bush's fault you are only fooling yourselves. Take a look in the mirror.You are the ones who got comfortable and complacent in the majority and spent like a greenhorn cowboy on a Saturday night.

Make apologies not excuses.

2. Only a Buzzard Feeds on His Friends

You need to stop this "conservative" vs. "moderate" civil war. The only folks it helps is Democrats. Ronald Reagan would be appalled if he saw how you all have torn the party apart. He believed in "big tent" Republicanism. If you keep this up, the next sign you will see on the political road will read, "This way to the Whig Convention."

Broaden the base don't shrink it.

3. You Don't Need Decorated Words to Make Your Meanin' Clear. Say It Plain and Leave Some Breath for Breathin'

When I hear you guys talk, I gotta tell you I can't understand what the hell you are trying to say. You have learned to speak "government" fluently.

If you want to make English the official language of the United States, start by speaking it yourselves.

4. Don't Argue Just For the Hell of It

Sometimes I think that Republicans want to argue and challenge every dad burned thing Obama does. Now I'm not saying you should drop all criticism and not challenge his agenda. Quite the contrary. But if you argue about everything the voters won't know what is important and you will be stepping on your own message. Besides it makes you sound like the Democrats did during the last eight years.

5. Watch About Sayin' "It Can't Be Done. Somebody's Liable to Interrupt You By Doin' It

I keep hearing Republicans say that Obama plans won't succeed and will be a disaster. That might be true, but while you're just saying "no", he and his folks are moving fast. Try being the "yes, but..." party as in "Yes, we agree that health care must be addressed, but we have a better approach."

6. Don't Piss on My Leg and Tell Me It's Rainin'

You say you are against profligate spending and earmarks, but for the last eight years you held the purse strings and did just that. Now you say you want your fiscal virginity back, but you also want to stay pregnant and keep the baby. Getting on your high horse about earmarks and spending and then making sure you got yours is cattle crap. And the voters know it.

7. Better to Shoot Off Your Rifle By Mistake Than Your Mouth on Purpose

One of your members recently said he knew of "17 socialists" in the Congress. In 1950 Joseph McCarthy said he had a list of "205 communists" in the State department. His list was a blank piece of paper -- as I suspect this member's was. Stop the name calling and innuendo. In the long run it didn't work for old Tail-gunner Joe and it won't work for you.

8. Never Miss a Good Chance to Shut Up

Sometimes saying nothing is better than shooting your mouth off. (See above) And not everything needs or deserves an answer.

9. You Can't Learn to Cowboy If You Are Settin' in the Bunkhouse

Get out of Washington! Take your message to the rest of the country. You will never win the Washington media game so go where you can be heard.

If you ever want to return to power, the road leads through Main Street not K Street.

10. Honesty is Something You Should Not Flirt With --You Should Be Married to It

Be straight with the American people because they can spot a liar from across the room. They aren't children and can handle the truth.While Democrats are proposing their vision of free health care, freedom from the evils of carbon and no new taxes for all except the hated rich, tell the folks what that will really cost and offer a realistic alternative. They are more than ready to listen if you are honest. And the other thing to remember about honesty is that if you find members that have been dishonest either with money or marriage vows, give them a good swift kick out of the caucus.

As a bonus, here's one more.

11. Sorry Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up

So saddle up, tighten your cinches and get ready for the long ride back.

Patrick Dorinson is a radio talk show host and commentator who goes by the name"The Cowboy Libertarian." He can be heard on a radio program with the same name Saturdays, from 5-6 p.m. PT on Clear Channel's KFBK radio in Sacramento, California.