Published January 27, 2009
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi claimed this weekend that birth control funding must be part of the stimulus package, because, after all, babies are a burden to our economy.
She's right. Babies are a burden. But not just to the economy -- try everything. They can't read, they can't walk, they can't hold down jobs and, like Larry King, they soil themselves when they giggle.
In short: These smelly beasts offer nothing that can get our economy back on its feet. [foxvideo 3468492] Of course this reasoning would be treated with a little more respect if it hadn't come from a bona fide baby shooter -- meaning, Pelosi -- whose tiny bird-like frame has bumped out more offspring than your average sightless vole.
At last count she's got five children and six grandchildren -- giving her a "child footprint" of 4,998. (Note, a "child footprint" is just like a "carbon footprint," except it's measured in green poop.)
In short, Pelosi is full of more crud than your typical diaper. Her telling us that we're better off if we don't have kids, is like Ikea saying we would be better off without crappy bookshelves.
Nancy, lead by example. And more important, say what you mean. I mean, you once said that motherhood was the single greatest moment of your life.
You should have added: If you're rich enough to enjoy it.
And if you disagree with it, then you sir are worse than Hitler.