Maybe if they weren't always telling us to stay calm, I'd be calm.
But I'm not calm. Because they keep telling me I should stay calm.
Actually I was calm before they started stressing I should be calm.
I don't know whether it was our sending 3,000 troops to Liberia to help them fight this Ebola thing.
Or the parade of health officials commenting in damn near daily press conferences we had nothing to worry about over this Ebola thing.
All I know is it's looking like a pretty big thing or they wouldn't be mobilizing troops in another continent, and they wouldn't be holding daily briefings in our nation's capitol.
Me? I just don't buy anything they say. Because what they have a history of saying one thing and doing another.
And let's just also say this wouldn't be the first time that's happened.
Remember when they were acting just the opposite during sequestration? Back then, they weren't urging calm they were practically Barney Fife screaming calamity!
Remember when the president himself was leading the paranoia parade, warning of dire consequences if automatic budget cuts kicked in. America itself would be all but over and out!
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: The cuts are not smart, they are not fair, they will hurt our economy. They will add hundreds of thousands of Americans to the unemployment rolls..
CONGRESSMAN STENY HOYER: The sequester will make their lives more difficult and their communities less safe.
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Air traffic controllers and airport security will see cut backs
POLITICIAN: All they're saying is sequester, sequester, sequester...
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Emergency responders like the ones who are here today, their ability to help respond to and recover from disasters will be degraded.
POLITICIAN: This is critical. Food and safety. What about the food that comes into our country?
CONGRESSWOMAN NANCY PELOSI: Sequester equals job loss. There's absolutely no question about that.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
I'll tell 'ya what happened. Nothing happened. The world didn't end.
Fast forward to Ebola, and these assurances the world won't end or at least humanity won't end.
I'm telling 'ya, be afraid because none of this ends nicely.
Which means the world really will end.
If I'm lyin'. I'm dyin'.
Or is that if they're lyin' we're all dyin'?
Sometimes I forget the crisis.
But I always manage to get sick.