• I saw this anchor the other day who was so fat his head looked like a balloon.

    How do they let someone like that on the air? I mean, come on: This is a visual medium. I'm sorry, but this guy was visually offensive. His face was so huge, his cheeks had cheeks!

    My God.

    Wait a minute, you're saying. Who are you, Neil, to be lecturing anyone for being fat?

    Who am I, indeed? Which is why I wouldn't do that or say that or even hint that. Knowing that is total broadcast B.S.

    Which makes me wonder why the president is calling his opponent out on BS. Telling Rolling Stone Magazine that Mitt Romney is -- cleaning up the language here -- a BS-er.

    He may be. But that assumes, you, Mr. President, are not? A guy who's flipped more promises than I've flipped pancakes calling the other guy a BS-er.

    Who's shifted positions on the Mideast faster than me, toppings stations at a Baskin Robbins, and the other guy's a BS-er.

    Who's repeatedly promised the health care law wouldn't hike premiums, even though it's only seen them soar, and the other guy's a BS-er.

    Man, I guess the best defense is a good offense.

    But I'll give the president one for sheer chutzpah. And frankly, I'm running with it.

    You see, I'm not fat. You're just too damn skinny.

    Fat chance you'd buy it. I mean, it would be total BS.

    And it breaks the BS code. That sacred rule among BS-ers that they will never charge another with the very character flaw they exhibit themselves. Put another way: Before you call the other guy a BS-er, make sure no one can check back and call you a BS-er.

    It gets ugly. It gets messy. You have to be morally fit to say the other guy's full of... not fit. Unless what you're slinging at Mitt truly is total bull... fit.

    Now, I could have even said worse and called the president a fat liar. But that would be a lie. Because the president is not... fat.