• Lard help us. Those with a little lard are tarred again.

    From a New York councilman on this show Monday who wants to shut down fast food restaurants within 500 feet of schools because they make our kids fat to a report out of London that says fat people make our planet hot.

    I kid you not. The London Sun reporting the fat are contributing to global warming. A doctor at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine — what?! — quoted as saying, "moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler." Which I guess makes me a Chevy Yukon with hair. And a guzzler with a limitless tank.

    Because the study makes clear, fat people eat more, so food manufacturers have to make more, which increases dangerous gas emissions more. And because fat people are likely to drive more, they're burning still more.

    How much more? Try a ton more climate-warming carbon dioxide for the fat dude versus the thin dude per year.

    You get the picture. Not a pretty picture for those pretty fat — now increasingly proving a tempting target for those pretty thin and long annoyed by those pretty fat.

    But whereas before fat people looked horrid to the world, now they're apparently destroying the world. Glaciers melting. Oceans rising. Rainforests dying.

    And all because I'm charging the Ponderosa buffet line and not stopping. A big mess, and all because I couldn't put down the Big Mac.

    Which only prompts Big Mac makers to rev production up. Which sends temperatures up. So as if we didn't feel guilty enough looking in the mirror to see what they've done to themselves, now we have to look at beached whales and parched polar bears to see what we've done to the world.

    It's enough to make you lose your appetite, reading all this. That is, unless you choose to read it tomorrow.

    Maybe at breakfast, over a nice buttered scone, maybe some fruit — just in case there's some militant fit dude next to you. Pray he's not too militant or the dining room too hot.

    Watch Neil Cavuto weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on "Your World with Cavuto" and send your comments to cavuto@foxnews.com